I have been doing a lot of stock taking lately, wondering what the meaning of life really is and why we are here, etc....
I have never really wanted children, never really felt any kind of bioligical clock at all. I got pregnant at 17 and had an abortion as I felt that my life would have been ruined at the time and have NO regrets about this. To me, this was NOT a baby.
But now I am in a great relationship. We have wonderful dogs who lead a fantastic life full of hikes and the best of everything. We have been together 4 years and are talking of marriage. We have spoken about the possibility of kids but I have always said no as I have felt that I have too much to do in my own life; that they are noisy, messy, ruin your sense of peace and order, may ruin your body, your sleep,etc.. All childish reasons, I now feel.
I think that one of the problems is that nowadays, we have too much choice and control over whether or not we get pregnant. A hundred years ago, I would already have had a TWENTY ONE year old child!!!!!! (the idea of this FREAKS me out as I am very youthful and still get carded!)and may also have had to marry the guy who got me pregnant.
My therapist feels that my fear of having a child is all connected with my becoming pregnant when I was little more than a child myself and also that I was one of many children growing up and have issues of jealousy.
The thing is...now I am 38 and am starting to feel that life really is about the continuation of our genes and that when a couple is bright, attractive, nice, liberal, artsy, intellectual and focuses on why not to bring children into this mortal coil, that maybe they should as they are very thoughtful and TRULY understand the pros and cons of it all. Maybe we DO have something to pass on to a child. Most people in the world seem to want children and many have them without really asking why. Look at poeple like Britany Spears and her little sister for that matter.
To get to the point, I am wondering if anyone who has kids can really explain what is so wonderful about it? I have known women who have said that they regret it! Do any of you?
Does it make you feel that death is ok, that part of us continues, does it make you feel more complete.
I am not asking you whether I should do this or not, but to tell me why you did.I would love to hear any responses! I don't want these last few "good" childbearing years to pass me by, without at least, really considering seriously if this is for me or not.
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