Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years (living together for most of it) but about a year ago he had a 2 month long affair during which he lied constantly and was really mean to me. when i found out he wanted to change/fix things so we hav tried to work thru it (though he kept in touch with her once or twice over the next month - 'incase we did split up'). About a month later (over a year into the relationship) was the first time he said he loved me. A few months later I found out there had been another more casual affair about 6 months into the relationship. he also cheated on his ex girlfriend with a previous girlfriend - he told me much later.
Sometimes it is good between us (every1 says what a perfect gorgeous couple we were/are but often i feel empty inside fm loving someone i dont know if i can trust) but whenever he gets distant or moody or doesn't want to have much sex (like once every few weeks) i feel bad and think it might be cos someone else is on his mind - even if he's not necesarily cheatin. Sometimes for months he will be very affectionate and positive about the future, kids etc and then suddenly switch to a distant mean grumpy man who doesn't know what he wants - with just the excuse that 'he's messed up and i'm unlucky to have met him'.
he has a scarily large porn collection, which i didnt mind at first (figure all men like porn) but think it affects the way he sees me/women and maybe affecting our sex life so chatted and he agreed to delete the piccies and links tho he left a few vids.
he works away A LOT so this is more difficult. i do love him - would never have bothered to try and work thru all this if i didnt.. and i believe him when he says he loves me now. i don't know if he respects me or relationships in general enough to just stay normal, relax and be honest.
i want children (and am at an age where i want/need to have them in the next 5 years) but won't give them a dad who'd freak out and run off fm the extra stresses they bring. We seem to hav very open communication but it's like there's 2 different sides to him.. There are 10 years between us.
Do you think it's possible to rebuild, really rebuild trust when it's been so damaged?
Do you know how?
He obv had no respect for our relationship in the early stages (first year) - is this likely to be a deep rooted psychological thing of how he sees/always will see the world or are some men just idiots who don't know what they've got till they're about to lose it...
Maybe i am jst blind with love or unreasonably optimistic. but I don't want to spend the next 6 years bailing out a slowly sinking ship. but i also don't want to waste something that could be (and often is) a brilliant amazing thing.
Any opinions? ;-)
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.