I'm currently overseas at college until December when I go back home for Christmas. It's my second last year and even though I am nearly done, I've found it more and more difficult being here. It's to the point where I go home more frequently than I did in the beginning because I am so miserable here. I miss home terribly - my parents, my boyfriend, my friends and pets, and I find myself constantly upsetting myself over the tiniest things and tearing up, especially during class, or on the bus or in the supermarket. I also cry a lot at home as well. I'm a lot more irritable and pessimistic here than I used to be, and I constantly find myself thinking up impossible scenarios in my head and then getting upset or worried over them, even though I know they can't happen. I still find it hard to listen to reason when I get into one of those worried states. My hair falls out a lot (although I think it has to do more with the humidity and water here) and I often lose my appetite so I take supplements to bring it back. I try cheering myself up with my favourite foods or snacks, but sometimes I feel guilty about the money I spend on them, even though my parents say that it's okay. Even though I live in the dorms, I don't go out very much here as the city where I am is very dangerous and crime has exploded. I've already been mugged twice here, so I feel anxious every time I go out in the street after dark.
I know that being in a long-distance relationship is stressful, but sometimes I think it's that I'm deliberately making myself unhappy when I am far away from my boyfriend and my friends and family. Like my mind thinks that I am not 'allowed' to be happy once I'm not with them physically. I also find myself alone here alot even though I have friends here. I'm not really close to anyone in my class, and the close friends I have, even though they say that I can always talk to them when I am sad or upset, I feel like I am bothering them (even though they always say no they don't feel that way).
I'm really worried that this could possibly spiral into depression or anxiety, and it makes me sad because I was a generally very happy and optimistic person growing up, before I went away to college. How can I make myself feel better? and especially, how can I stop myself from worrying over things that I know aren't possible? How can I make myself feel better about being away from home? I tried going to see the school counsellor but they were pretty unreliable and said they would call me back for an appointment but never did.
Thank you in advance! any tips or advice I'd really appreciate.
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