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ask: Every morning I want to stop drinking red wine however by evening I make excuses to continue

By onlyonebody
 
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It's seems to be an easy answer that I'm struggling with.
Every morning I wake up angry with myself & swear I'll never do it again. By 3 my mind begins convincing myself it's ok, tonight will be the last time. Just one more night.
I drink a bottle of wine each night. If I'm out with friends I can control my drinking however as soon as I'm alone I drink to get drunk.
I know it started due to depression 2 years ago, an escape of sorts. I've called rehabs and they seem to laugh, I guess a bottle of wine should be easy however it isn't. Tonight is the first time in 2 month that I've been sober. Before the one night in October it was a night in June.

I read the other post regarding the same and a poster mentioned having a tingly tongue. I have that, sometime it burns all day. When it first began it felt as though I burned it now some days are really bad.
I use to workout all the time now I have no energy. I struggle to workout, depressed the cycle continue, leave the gym I buy a bottle go home and swear tomorrow I'll try again.
I don't know if anyone has any suggestions that my help. I know I just need to stop.

Add a Comment10 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Well, it sounds like you're not happy with drinking daily. I finally surrendered to the fact that I am an alcoholic, and none of my dreams would ever come true if I continued. So I went to the place I never wanted to go to EVER! Alcoholics Anonymous. And I love it! I'm sober over 11 years and I've never been happier. I have a full life and don't live in regret. Just go to AA, and you'll find a great assortment of happy people. Alcoholism is a disease, not a moral issue. Good luck.

February 6, 2011 - 8:02pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for sharing your story. I have removed your private e-mail for your privacy. The original commenter can contact you personally if you sign up with an account with us (which is conpletely free) and we provide private messaging capability.

Thank you for your contribution and good luck.
Missie

February 6, 2011 - 10:31am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Cland,

As as 61 yr old woman with 10yrs of sobriety and a business owner that works with caregivers of the elderly I would be happy to help you. Please feel free to email me at (removed by moderator).
Something that helped me with sobriety was asking God to take aware my fear. I realized that I drank out of fear...my guess is that fear is at the root of your drinking too. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

February 6, 2011 - 9:06am
CLand (reply to Anonymous)

Thank you! You're probably right. I drink at night to relax and be able to sleep because I can't shut off my mind! I'm sure the root is fear because I know fear causes anxiety. I just know I want it all to stop. I just want to feel normal.

February 6, 2011 - 3:09pm
CLand

I totally understand where you're coming from because I'm right where you are. I'm 55 years old and primary care-giver for my 85 year old mother. I've been married for 32 years. I feel like I don't have an identity. I haven't had a sexual relationship with my husband in over three years. According to him there's no problem! He won't own up to anything especially if he's the one with the problem. So apart from feeling so isolated and alone, there's my mother. I promised my Dad on his deathbed that I would look after her. So here I am, lonely,care-giver work, no fun... I'm like you , a bottle of wine, TV or computer... ESCAPE! I too have the tingly tongue. My guess is the acid from the wine. I know all the health hazards and dangers. Everyday I tell myself I won't drink. I can go for days and not drink. I save mine until night. I'm ready for bed and time to relax. Problem is, when I go to bed, I can't shut my mind off. With the wine, I close my eyes and I don't have to think any more! I want to stop, but I'm so miserable in my life...

January 25, 2011 - 10:25am
Alison Beaver (reply to CLand)

CLand,
I am so sorry that you are feeling miserable, lonely and not able to enjoy your life right now. Taking care of a loved one is extremely tiresome, emotionally and physically draining, and honestly---there is little (or no) sympathy since you are not the one sick, and you are "choosing" this. ( say this word in quotes, because often times it is not really a choice the caregiver feels like they were able to make; it was not a volunteer position that they can quit at any time).

Caregiver burnout is real, and it is crucial to take care of yourself. First. Please read these articles for helpful advice and real information about how to help yourself, in helping your mom:
- Caring for your aging parents while avoiding caregiver burnout
- Are you a caregiver? Do you have caregiver stress?
- Coping with caregiver "victimhood"
- Are you a caregiver? Can you share your experience?
- Caregiver Stress: Impact of Chronic Disease on the family

The articles above all have some common threads: find help for yourself, do not do it alone, do something you love and enjoy everyday.

On top of your caregiver burnout, you are having marital difficulties, and are feeling that your husband does not even care that there are problems in the marriage. He may also be feeling your stress, reacting to your burnout...he may have a physical problem as you suggested. Whatever the underlying reason, it is helpful to talk with a counselor about these stressful issues and hopefully find some resolutions, even if you need to go to the counselor alone at first. Hopefully your husband will join you at the counselor's visits, so you both can discover how to lead happier and more fulfilling lives together.

January 25, 2011 - 11:22am
CLand (reply to Alison Beaver)

Thank you! It's good to know there is a place I can go where people understand and not judge. It's also great to know that I'm not alone.Thanks for being here!

January 25, 2011 - 2:52pm
RND_Editor

Was wondering how you were doing as I see this was written in December. I guess I associated this as I fight similar struggles. I know how hard it is to get started at all, let alone with the pressure of making a commitment to the new year. Be it weight loss or giving up a vice, I've battled my share. I found [a resource online, debbie the coach] - Not a promo, just thought it helped me as she's got a free e-book I liked.
RuC

(edited by EmpowHER moderator to remove website link)

January 18, 2011 - 8:37am
Christine Jeffries

Hi onlyonebody,
Wanted to make sure you have all resources you need, and know that this is a place that is non-judgmental, and we only want to see you well. We know you can overcome this, and are here to inspire and support as we are able. Recognizing you have a problem is huge, and congrats on being sober the other night. It's a start, and you have to start somewhere.
What do you do when you drink? Do you watch TV, or cruise the internet? Why do you want to quit? Do you feel you're ready to quit? Do you have family or friends close by you can lean on? Have you told anyone you think you may have a problem? When you get that 3 o'clock urge to run to the liquor store, is there something else you can do instead? Maybe you can call a trusted friend to help you cut back on or eliminate your drinking. Talking with your doctor and/or a counselor also is great advice.
Here is some information I found that may be of interest: Women-Only Treatment for Addiction, and Addiction Help Resources
Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

December 15, 2010 - 8:48am
Alison Beaver

Hi onlyonebody,
Congratulations on being sober last night! That is great!

There are many resources for you, and yes...a bottle of wine IS something to be taken seriously and you DO need to seek treatment. There is help out there for you...we can help you find it!

Can you tell us what your location is (zipcode if in the U.S.), and please feel free to click on my name to send me a PM if you prefer not to post it here. I can send you some phone numbers or websites that I find that can help you.

Do you have health insurance, or currently employed? Many employers have EAP (employee assistance programs) that provide FREE or very affordable addiction counseling services. Your employee handbook should have this information, or if you are at a University, the Counseling Center would be a good place to start. You can also call your health insurance company (or check their website) for resources. Lastly, call your primary care doctor for references, too.

You can also join the Empowher Addiction group: http://www.empowher.com/groups/addiction

I look forward to hearing from you soon!

December 14, 2010 - 9:53am
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