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happy relationship without sex?!

By February 14, 2010 - 11:02am
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I am just reading the comment you wrote for the above post! I am experiencing a very similar situation.

me and my boyfirend had been together for at least 7 yrs now. We was together for 4 yrs then had a mini break up, and back together after an year (during that year.. we kept in touch and seen each other couple of times. Then follow by he asking me out (as proper date) so.. we then got back together)

After this breakup,... he changed! He has become more caring than ever! He really takes care of me.. (much better than before!) Ever since,... he is more touchy/want to cuddle/kisses/sex etc... whereas for me, because I had been busy + stress at work so less in the mood for sex etc...

However, recently he doesn't kiss me /doesn't want to have sex as much as before. The only thing I could htink of that might have effect on this is... he is possibly stress.. He is finishing his Phd now and has been looking for job!becaue I remember when I was busy at work coming home and have sex in the evening was not one of my priority! Just wasn't in the mood - too tired!... so I could understand that he is possibly going through a similar phase ... So could this cause him to become less passionate? or what you said before about ''entering to another phase'' ? BEcause even without the sex/kisses... he still really cares for me -e.g. he often cooks for me -dinner or prepare extra meal for me to take to work. or he will download movie (the one he thinks I like )etc... I can tell he really does still loves me.. but What might have cause these change? What things I can do to keep the passion going ?

Thank!!! I really look forward to hear from you!

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thanks guys!!!! I will hang in there!!! I have thought about you guys said before, but I think I would just like to have some reassurance!!! :) I know, .. everything else is great!so,... I shouldn't be tooo worry right!

Thanks again!!!!

February 15, 2010 - 12:09pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi Winnie

In addition to Melissa's great advice, I have to add that a PhD is serious, serious study - taking up much of the day and night, with candidates getting very little sleep. A friend of mine lived like this for two years with a toddler and had an additional new baby right in the middle of it. She also worked. She got an average of 3-4 hours of sleep for over a year. It's a very trying time.

My advice, like Melissa, is hang on and give him time. If every other aspect of the relationship is great, then don't pressure him now. See how things are when he is done. If the problems remain, then look into it further (and come back and tell us about it!) but for now, enjoy the good relationship and know that things will more than likely get better.

February 15, 2010 - 9:49am
EmpowHER Guest

Hi Winne!

Relationships are tough. They have so many ups and downs but in the long run they are so worth the effort. You explained that your boyfriend is in school for his PhD? That alone will take a lot of time and effort.

I think what your looking for is a great answer for a specific question...what can YOU do? Here is a great answer....be understanding. Once he is done with school, I think things will change since he will have more time on his hands. It is nothing against you as a person but school will take up much of the time and effort that he would have been spending time on you in the past. Can you imagine what life will be when he is done? Oh, my! Please write in and tell us what happens when he finishes, accomplishes his dreams with you as the love of his life by his side.

I know times are tough when we are lacking in some sense but think about the future. What can you do now (right this moment)? Just be patient...and things will unfold for you later.

February 14, 2010 - 11:50am
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