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How do you get over the loss of a female friendship?

By Anonymous June 24, 2011 - 1:25pm
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I have a friend who has been a friend of mine for more than 25 years. We have always been very close. This past year has seen both of us have some bad situations in our lives. She has had them. I have had them. Well right now we are not mad at each other, though we were, but are just not talking on a daily basis, several times a day. I don't think we have talked in over a week, maybe two weeks. I am having a hard time missing this relationship. I always thought that she and I would be friends forever. That is what we always promised each other. Now we don't talk. Please tell me how I can handle this loss.

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HERWriter Guide

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post and welcome!

I'm sorry you're feeling at a loss right now. I often think the loss of a female friend can be far harder than a romantic relationship with the opposite sex. Men can come and go, as they say - but a great girlfriend is very hard to find. Especially when it goes back so far, it's worth a shot to try again, even though you may have to accept the friendship -while not angry - isn't the way it used to be. But I think if you have been such good friends for 25 years and gone through several stages of life together - you must have a lot in common. High school friends can fade as we grow older but obviously this isn't the case with you.

However, in your case, I really think you may be jumping the gun a bit in thinking the friendship is over. You haven't communicated in a couple of weeks - that's really nothing! I assume she lives close to you if you talk several times a day and spend a lot of time together but even so, a couple of weeks apart really doesn't mean that the friendship is over.

You said that you were angry with each other (did you have a disagreement and if so, over what? You are not mad anymore but are you sure she isn't? It sounds like she might be...)

Also, if both of you have had a hard year, it would have been better if this had brought you two together over that, rather than separate you but at the same time - maybe you both needed a bit of space.

There doesn't seem to be a clear reason why you shouldn't be friends forever, unless you are leaving out a lot of information (and if you are, just say it out so that we know how to support you as we can only go by the information you provide).

Why not call her or drop her an email? You don't have to talk about any "issues" - merely ask her how she is doing and say you haven't talked in a while and you'd like have a coffee or drink together and catch up. Tell her you miss her! Depending on her response, you'll know where you stand.

But there must be something else going on that you're not saying if you are mourning the loss of a 25 year friendship simply because you had a disagreement, made up but now haven't spoken for 1-2 weeks. I really there there must be more to the story than that.

Let me know what you think and our best to you!

June 24, 2011 - 1:45pm
(reply to Susan Cody)

Well, here is her situation. She is 61 years old and has a really bad case of rheumatoid arthritis. She is in pain all the time because the docs cant seem to find any meds to help her. Her husband is bipolar. His got so bad that he had to have ECT, but that was years ago. OK, her youngest daughter, who is about 35, has moved herself and her crappy husband plus two baby girls under the age of 2 into my friends house. So she has a lot on her. And by the way, this daughter and her husband fight all the time.

She, Betty, started getting kinda smart aleck with me over some different things, little things, that have gone on over the past year, but I didn't see what was happening. I myself found out that I'm bipolar, but she got to see my bipolar side and I think that upset her. She just told me a few weeks ago that she needed some time to get her life straightened out, and with what I just told you, I guess she does. Having that daughter and husband at her house; they fight all the time; plus they brought two baby girls under the age of two with them. Not a good scene.

But anyway, regardless, I still miss her.

June 24, 2011 - 5:31pm
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