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how to make a relationship less serious

By Anonymous December 26, 2010 - 2:51pm
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i have been in a relationship with the first love of my life for almost 3 years and when i talk about him.spending more actual time with me instead of next to me he completely freaks out and says that i am getting too serious. I'm 20 and he's 21. He is the love of my life and i see a future together. I am not sure what to do. Please help me.

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He is telling you all you need to know, right? I'm not sure what "freaks out" entails, but if he is anxious about spending too much time with you, then perhaps he is either feeling smothered in the relationship, is wanting out of the relationship...or is just wanting some alone time. No big deal, really.

What IS a big deal: you are "not sure what to do". Here are some ideas:
- Find a hobby, interest or something that you are talented at or enjoy
- Spend time with friends who love
- Spend time with family you love
- Go to a movie (alone, with friends), read a book...do things that you love to do, independent of your boyfriend
- Spend time alone...and actually ENJOY it!

A relationship that is long-lasting and healthy is not about being connected-to-the-hip with another person. It is about being happy and interesting as individuals, and another person just brings out the best parts in each other. If you are bringing him down by being too "needy"...you have a choice to stop! A healthy relationship entails people WANTING to be together, and ENJOYING their time spent apart. An unhealthy relationship includes people desperately needing each other, unable or unwilling to function successfully.

It is your choice, and you may find some of these other articles helpful (the titles are primarily about sex, but general relationship advice is included):

December 26, 2010 - 3:30pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Alison Beaver)

Thank you Alison. I think at the back of my mind i knew that but to be actually told by someone is something else. A good reason to actually use the advice. Thank you for replying so quickly.
Have an amazing day.

December 26, 2010 - 3:58pm
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