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Sex and relationship with my man

By Anonymous September 15, 2010 - 5:16am
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Hi, I'm a 36 year old. My boyfriend is 23. We have a great sex life and love each other very much but theres' one concern. I have two children from a marriage that broke down a number of years ago. He also has a daugher, who is coming three. The age gap is part of the problem, its enough to make people talk. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. He's kind, loving, loves my kids like they're his own and I love his daughter like she's mine. We make love 3-4 times a week, sometimes more. We still date each other but we have spoke about having a child ourselves but I'm unsure how it will effect our lives? My two sons live with us and his daughter comes over 2 nights a week so need your help please. Thanks

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Hi Anonymous,
I agree you need to talk with him. It's on your mind (both having a baby and how your perception that people talk bugging you). It sounds like you need some reassurance, and it's my humble opinion that the best place is to hear it from your love so you can design a united front against the World. I have been through divorce, and know how it can do a number on your self-esteem particularly if the relationship was emotionally abusive in any way. I believe that the best revenge (on your ex and on those nay-sayers) is living well, and being happy. Avoid any drama.
You keep talking about how great the sex is...if the sex wasn't so great, would you still be with him? Or is your relationship based on it? There will very likely come a time when the sex won't be as (whatever it is) without a lot of hard work on both your parts.
Another thing to consider: If you place so much value in what other people think, are you living for you? Or are you living to impress others?
Think about all this, and talk with your man. You're ready for the next step, you may want to figure out if he is too so you can proceed toward the direction you want to go. I'm confident that if he's as great as you say he is, you will come to a mutual decision about your future together.
There is a Group here about women with much older men. It may be good for you to communicate with them and learn from their experiences also. Or start your own Group for women with younger men:
Good luck and let us know how it all turns out.

September 17, 2010 - 11:40am

Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your post, and for finding Empowher. I'm not sure what advice you're looking for. Are you wanting someone to tell you it's OK to have a baby with this man? You said you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, so what's the problem? Other people talking? People will find things to talk about, so try and not worry about that--if you weren't a blended family with age differences, they still would talk about the condition of your lawn, how you scold/don't scold your kids, or something else, so it's senseless to let it get to you. If it's the age difference that truly bugs you, there's nothing you can do about that except consider for yourself how important it is to you. Forget your amazing sex life, forget his kids, your kids, and any pending child. Do you love this man? Deep-down-to-your-bones love him? Would you walk across a desert to bring him a cup of water? Then again, I ask you, what's the problem?
Mind you, I'm not a therapist. But if I was in your shoes, I would ask myself, "why am I getting in my own way?" Go live your life! Yeah, it's complicated, even crazy at times, but would you have it any other way? That is the great thing about where we live, and who we are: we have choices, and can adapt to change. Right?
I hope this helps...if I haven't please let me know how I may try to help you better. It sounded to me like you were looking for a pep talk. If I was off the mark, please steer me in the correct direction.
Take care, and good luck.

September 16, 2010 - 11:25am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Christine Jeffries)

I suppose pep talk could be the right word for it. People talk, even though I'm still young, or I feel young he's just much younger than me. That's the main concern. My ex ruined my confidence when he cheated on me and that's why we got divorced. Since my man has came along I've been bubbly and alot happier. Is a baby the right thing to do or just keep loving each other and going with the flow? I've not discussed this with him. The sex is GREAT, I don't think people understand how good it actually is and maybe people talk because they are jealous? I don't want it to stop but I want to spend the rest of my life with this man who I truly love. Shoud I talk to him about trying for a baby or leave it the way it is until he mentions it?

September 16, 2010 - 7:07pm
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