My stepdad, my hero, the man who I thought would die for me, killed my insides. Not until the age of 27 did I have to let my secret out that he raped and sexually molested me from the ages of 11-14. I was coned. I still am in disbelief that he denied everything. I swore he loved me and would never put me through the court case of having to prove what he did to me. He took everything from me. EVERYTHING. MY LIFE IS NOW JUST CIRCLES, forgetting the days drifting off into a world that I'm afraid I may never come back from. I'm so confused with all of the consequences that going public testifying, having him phone tapped and him admitting he raped me and how I ruined his life. I can't stop obsessing over this and it has been two years. He was just released from prison two days ago. He wasn't charged with the 8 counts of rape they tried to charge him with. Nothing was fair at all when it came to the justice system. And here I am left with no more friends family a 7 year old who I truly only am here because of him. I know this has turned me into someone that no one knows anymore. They have given up in thinking I can ever get better. All I did was tell the truth and do the right thing so how why is it possible that I am still just existing not living. I'm scared to death. I'm unaware of all these feelings and never met anyone in my situation. People fight me everyday to please "just be the same old sam again". I don't even remember who that was. I'm at the point where I'm willing to do anything to get better. I know I will not make it much longer if something doesn't give. Please any any thing that you think could help me wrap my head around this is my reality and I have to accept it please I need any help whatsoever. Even if I don't agree don't hold back. This is my life and I'm begging for someone to show me how to keep going. And make drastic changes. I'm begging I'd give anything anything to just be normal again. Thank you for your experience strength and hopes. Xoxo Samantha
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