At 42 I am waking up for the first time in my life to truly examine my life after major personal and financial losses. My grief from losing 8 family members over a 3 year period has really enlightened me spiritually, mentally and physically. My husband and I lost our business which caused major legal and financial problems, leading us to file bankruptcy. I became physically ill from the grief for close to a year but am now crawling out of the depths of despair and feel so alive. There are still dark thoughts that cloud my mind but they are diminishing.
Through this experience I feel that I needed these losses in order to feel gratitude for the good things in my life. I have a wonderful husband and beautiful 5 year old daughter that I adore. They are truly what matters most. It worried me that the financial problems reflected on me as a person, but now I realize these failures are not who I am, just a result from choices made. I'm still working on what I want to be when I grow up and that is okay. As my Mom says "life is a journey" and I want to enjoy this road. Sometimes you have to go backward in order to move forward and that is okay, too. The biggest thing I have learned is not to be so hard on myself and others. My mind is much more open spiritually today.
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