share: My life dealing with depression.

Francene

Thank you so much for your brave post. And I'm so sorry that you have gone through so much in your life.

Your psych (was that psychologist or psychiatrist?) was incredibly wrong to tell you to "toughen it out" when depression has nothing to do with either weakness or toughness.

I know you said you haven't many friends but do you have the support of family members like parents, or a husband? This would help you enormously.

Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy? We describe this as :

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of talk therapy. This means that you discuss your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with a mental health professional. CBT focuses on how the way you think affects the way you feel and act.

For example, a situation may be perceived in a positive way by one person, enhancing his/her well-being, but may be perceived in a negative way by another person, contributing to feelings of sadness or anxiety. Your therapist helps you identify negative thoughts and evaluates how realistic these thoughts are. Then, he or she teaches you to “unlearn” negative thought patterns and “learn” new, helpful ones.

CBT is a problem-solving approach. While you cannot control other people or situations, you can control the way you perceive and react to a particular situation. CBT teaches you the skills to change your thinking and manage your reactions to stressful people and situations.

Reasons for ProcedureCognitive-behavioral therapy is used to treat many health concerns. These include:

◦Major depressive disorder and mood swings
◦Anxiety disorders, including social anxiety disorder and generalized anxiety disorder, which includes feelings of extreme shyness and/or excessive worry
◦Managing stress
◦Panic disorders
◦Phobias
◦Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
◦Childhood depressive and anxiety disorders
◦Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
◦Eating disorders, including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and obesity
◦Insomnia and other sleep disorders
◦Substance abuse or substance dependence
◦Maladaptive styles of relating to others including enabling, passive aggression, or codependency
◦Chronic pain
◦Difficulty with relationships
◦Low self-esteem
◦Poor coping skills
◦Uncontrolled anger
You can read more about this here : http://www.empowher.com/media/reference/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-cbt

I would suggest you think about this. There are also many group therapies available - if you'd like to let us know where you live (you can send if via PM if you prefer) and we can see what's in your area.

You may also need a different psych doctor. You may simply not be a good match and need to separate.

I'm glad the Pristiq is working for you in terms of losing the weight! But if it has dampened you spirit and will to move on, consider trying something new. I have a friend who went through a dozen medications before she found the right one for her.

I can't tell you how much physical exercise will do for you. Not only is it good for your body but it's incredibly therapeutic for your mind. As much as you don't feel like it, give it your best shot to get up once a day and do at least 10 minutes of exercise. Walk, run, or do jumping jack to loud music at home. You can eventually up your time to half an hour and longer if you wish. Again, making it a group thing could also help - consider a water aerobics class or Pilates. But you can build up to this, you don't have to rush into things.

Do you have an online support group? You always have us here but a support group of women going through the same thing might be of great help - let us know if this would be of interest to you and we can find some groups for you.

One last thing that may help is some support for your kids. This cannot be easy for them and I think an outlet where they can talk, vent and be heard would be a great idea. Again, we can help you with this if you would like. Will you let us know?

Please update us - and tell me what you think. I know Feb 12 must feel like a million years away but it'll pop up really quickly, I promise.

Hang in there with us and we'll guide you every step of the way. This is not your fault, you are not a failure and you don't need to "toughen up". But you do need help and so do your kids. You'll get through this together and we can help you do this. I look forward to hearing more from you and please take good care of yourself.

Best,
Susan

Hi Susan,
My doctor is a psychiatrist. He's said a couple of things to make me feel like I'm wasteing my time with him, but I the waiting time to get into see him was 3 months, and I really don't want to wait that long to see another dr.

I've never heard of cbt before, and that may actually help me. I know when someone says something to me I usually take it in a negative way and end up loseing sleep over it. I will ask the doctor on feb 12.

As far as support, I have none. I look after my dad for a few hours a day as he has had strokes and can't do things for himself anymore. My mom passed 6 years ago (yesterday) and my boyfriend gets mad when I spend so much time in bed. We end up arguing 75% of the time.

My kids are great. I have twins that are 15, and they help out soo much. They clean when the house looks messy, and they make most of the meals. I also have a son whose 21 that has recently moved out into his own home with his girlfriend. I try my best to make sure everyone is happy, but I hear of other parents taking their kids to the movies or sledding, and I have never done that, nor do I think I will ever be able to.

I'm willing to try other meds, but after the fuss with the phychiatrist to stay on meds, I'm not sure if he'll want me to try anything else. If worse comes to worse, I have a stash of zoloft that I can go back on. Iwas taking it for 14 years, and it was only the last year that I started haveing side effects. My psych told me that the person I was while taking zoloft is someone hiding from the real world. I thought it was pretty good, I was happy most of the time, and I never cried.

Well, without me going on and on, thanks for taking the time to write me, its nice talking to someone willing to listen.
Francene

Hi Francene! Fortunately I have only had a few episodes of depression during various life crisis, but enough to know it is not where I want to be . . . so my heart goes out to you. I can tell you that Dr. Steven Ehrlich NMD, a licensed naturopathic physician, is very gifted and has tremendous success helping patients overcome depression. If you wish to contact him, call SOLUTIONS Acupuncture & Naturopathic Medicine at 602-374-6902. He works w/ a wide range of women's health issues which can also contribute to depression. The office is located just west of 12th St. and Glendale in Phoenix and Sjon Wright is the Office Manager.

It may be more than - other than - depression. Hormone shifts can cause some of these same issues.

Check out Dr. Elizabeth Vliet's work: http://www.herplace.com/

I know how you feel..to an extent. I only have a small glimpse of what you are going through. I was just recently diagnosed with depression myself.

What alot of people don't understand is that it's effects are physical. regardless of the mental battles I have inside my mind, I can not force myself to get out of the bed in the morning and for no particular reason. I don't live a very stressful life and I have everything I could ever want..a great boyfriend, everything..but something is still not right. I have no MOTIVATION to do anything.

I have no clue about medicines to try or anything because I am new to this, but I can tell you what I have been trying the past couple of weeks to get me by. I am trying the all-natural approach to feeling better..diet, exercise and trying to live a "happy" life. I don't like the idea of meds, though the doc suggested them...I'm praying that this will work, as they are my last resort.

First, I had to deal with the fact that laying in the bed was not going to make me any better. So, I set my alarm for six oclock in the morning every night. Before I go to bed, I set out a nice outfit to wear and put my hair in curlers so that I have something to look forward to the next day. When i get up..I dress up like it's my birthday. I think feeling "pretty" really helps when it comes to your self-esteem as well as your mood.

In my situation, when I don't have to work, I will make dates with a friend or purposefully schedule a meeting in the morning. Having something to do, even if it's just going shopping with a friend or having lunch atleast gives me the motivation to get out of bed.

My suggestion to you is to find something you like to do-maybe you can even involve your children. Finding the joy in life again is what I am missing the most. Reading a book also helps...romance novels are my favorite because I can allow myself to slip in to another world just for a little while.

If nothing else, try to think of something you enjoy doing..and make time for it. even the smallest amount of happiness can go a long way.

i hope that i have helped you the best that I can...but if not, atleast it is worthwhile to know that there are others out there feeling the way you are and we are here to talk. i wish you the best of luck

Hi. thanks for sharing.
I too tried to get up early and get fancied up, but over time that wears off. I go to look after my dad everyday, (he's handicapped and needs help) so thats basically the only motivation I have to get up and out. I'm usually back by 2, so my day ends then I'm laying in bed by 2:30. I've tried the exercise thing, actually I exercise each morning-whether it kills me or not :) but that doesn't seem to give me any extra energy. I'm still feeling blah. I have social anxiety, which I know if I could manage would help too, so I don't socialize what so ever with anyone other then my immediate family. As far as going without meds, I wish you the best of luck. Some people are stronger then others, and unfortunately I'm one that believes in getting help where you can. It really does help to know there are others out there trying to deal with it as well. I just wish february 12th would hurry up so I can get back to the drs. and we can try some other meds. I'd love for you to stay in touch and let me know how you're doing. Thanks again.

I wasn't sure about your location, but maybe you can find someone like Dr. Ehrlich b/c I agree w/ the note by 'anonymous ' that other health conditions can contribute to depression. For instance, what I thought were menopause symptoms were actually caused by anemia and a form of cancer. You never know.

Also it does not sound like you are getting the right help/advice by those who have been treating you. Any good practitioner should show you respect and never make you feel ignored. Perhaps you can call Dr. Ehrlich' office; they may know of someone in you area.