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Having Someone To Lean On

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A recent cup of coffee with a friend who is young, unmarried, unfettered by motherhood, childless, brave, and moving across the country alone for a teaching position to a town she's never visited, let alone lived in, brought home some real meaningful truths.

As we sipped our beverages and twirled our straws I asked her about life and vicariously gleaned the excitement of not yet being twenty six and still carving out a life post university, pre-marital bliss; a life I still can't get over has come and gone, rounding the bend toward forty -three with one son on the cusp of adolescence and the other just a nose behind.

I was struck by the bravery and independence of my friend; how she'd decided to take this leap, pack her car and her life and her previous job and relationship and just go. Driving three days to get there - piece of cake. Finding an apartment? Well, she told me, it'll all work out.

And admiring, as I am of many young women these days, her confidence, her determination, her genuine sense of self, I was also a little sad as she recounted person after person in her large family of siblings and parents, grandparents and in her circle of friends, including her boyfriend, who were either too busy or too caught up in their own lives to help her in the enormous endeavor of this move.

"It would just be nice to have someone out there with me for a few days," she mused, gazing out of the window with great humility and amazement at her situation."Just to help me if I feel like I'm getting lost."

Her words resonated so profoundly as I wished I were her sister or her mother, her cousin or her aunt, that I could go with her, laugh over crazy GPS navigational systems and satellites and landscapes that feel like the moon.

I told her about moving to Los Angeles from New York without a single friend and my then husband busy all the time with law school, pushing a four month old baby around in the desert heat, feeling empty, homesick, scared and abandoned.

The first friend I made took me under her wing and continued to be the most important connection I had in the dry, parched planet of Los Angeles.

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We value and respect our HERWriters' experiences, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice, although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.

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