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Some women aren’t born knowing how wonderful they are, and they tend to care more about what others think instead of what they think of themselves.
It’s time for women to start loving themselves, because once self-love enters the picture, many other positives will start coming into women's lives. Some examples are happiness, confidence, self-esteem and feeling better overall.
It’s harder than it looks, I know. It’s even more difficult for women to love themselves when so many magazines and products are telling them that they're not good enough and need to buy their products or follow their advice to be worthy. Not all products and advice are bad, and some can lead to a healthier life, but there does need to be a focus first on how a woman is already amazing and doesn’t need tons of makeup to achieve that, or doesn’t need to follow certain diet tips to lose weight and have the “ideal” body. Women are already ideal!
Elizabeth Ward, a psychotherapist in Boston, said in an e-mail that self-love is “loving oneself unconditionally, through thick and thin, taking care of yourself, and being compassionate with yourself.” This can appear in women when they “take time for themselves” and “go easy on themselves when confronted with [a] challenge, rather than blame oneself.”
Some benefits of self-love include being able to love others and treat them well, as well as a healthier self and relationships, and overall happiness, she said. Self-esteem and confidence are connected to self-love as well, but early childhood experiences and relationship models also play a part.
“Our attitude about [ourselves] reflects outward, from our core, to other relationships,” Ward said. “If women are aware about how they treat themselves and what makes them feel good, they can then carry that awareness into other relationships in which they can treat others and be treated by others in similarly respect[ful] ways.”
She said she thinks all women can learn to love themselves, but some women might find it harder than others.
“Women who have suffered trauma or difficult childhood situations in which they weren't given unconditional love may find it challenging to feel authentic self-love,” Ward said. I would add that depression and other mental disorders or illnesses can hinder self-love.
In order to improve self-love, Ward suggests women have a set routine and take even five minutes to reflect on positive aspects of themselves.
“I encourage women to actually write down three to five items that they are happy with themselves from the day,” she said, which are “compliments of sorts to themselves.”
She said the “compliments” don’t have to be big. They can range from making a healthy breakfast for their children, asserting themselves in certain work situations, enjoying an activity or reaching out to someone.
“Women can often be overwhelmed between juggling families and work, so it can help them to bring attention to specific — even mundane — items,” Ward said.
Here are some tips I thought of, though the list can be endless:
1) Stop criticizing yourself for everything you do imperfectly, and don’t give into other people’s criticisms. No one is perfect. You can listen to constructive criticism and learn how to improve yourself and your actions, but don’t beat yourself up over something you did incorrectly that you’ll do better in the future.
2) Focus on the positives in yourself and your life in general. Many people tend to focus solely on what needs improvement and how they suck at life, but taking time to look at how you’re excelling, and what you’re doing right, can only make you feel better and love yourself a little more. When you are kind and loving to yourself by focusing on the positives, and even complimenting yourself, this can only rub off on others. Make an effort to treat others the same way that you treat yourself, and that only adds fuel to the fire of self-love.
3) Set one self-improvement goal for yourself at a time. It can be tempting to make a list of everything you need to change about yourself (if you really think it’s necessary to make so many changes), but that can be overwhelming. If you need to make a list to remind yourself, maybe hide the larger list and just post one goal at a time, so you can focus on that one goal and achieve it, then move on to the next one at a time.
4) In addition to self-improvement goals, it’s beneficial to change some things about yourself if you think that will improve your life and happiness. However, sometimes it’s also a good thing to accept yourself and realize that you don’t need to change. Figure out why you want to change as well. If you want to lose weight only because magazines and others say you’re fat, and it’s not because you want it for yourself and think it will prolong your life and make you healthier, then you might want to rethink losing the weight. In other instances, like if you’re always gossiping about others and want to limit that, then it might be in yours and others’ favors to make some changes, especially if the goal is to alleviate harm to yourself and others.
Self-love is helpful in almost all cases, but remember there can be a limit, like “if women are too self-absorbed and neglect other important relationships with their family and friends,” Ward said.
Other sources:
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200212/your-trump-card-self-love
http://www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-love-yourself-in-17-ways/
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