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What to Do When Women Bully Women

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When we talk about bullying today, we often focus on children. However, bullying can happen in the adult arena as well. It can be particularly painful when adult women are bullied by other women in their lives, whether co-workers, family members, or women within our circle of friends.

Bullying’s Primitive Roots

Some of the bullying behavior among women is rooted in biology. For example, according to Dr. Anne Campbell, our primitive female ancestor had to be competitive to fight for that male who would protect, feed and shelter both she and her young. But she also needed female alliances and sacrificed her own feelings to reach out toward other women as a source of both comfort and safety. Therefore, it is particularly painful to become the target of bullying as it takes away that safety net of relationship from the victim. By withholding emotional support, the bullied woman loses her connection to a perceived source of comfort. This is very destructive, and in essence, a form of abuse.

Girls who bully

According to Dr. Cheryl Dellasega, female children who bully often grow into adult women who bully. What happens as female bullies get older is that they become more sophisticated and subtle in the way that they target others. Many times the in-group or cool clique support targeting. This aggressive behavior frightens its members, both girls and women, to go along in order to get along. Further, when women bully, they can elevate their own feelings by diminishing those of others, as they gossip, discount, reject, demean and exclude the focus of their enmity. These behaviors sabotage any opportunity for direct, honest and healthy friendship.

Responding to the adult bully

As adults, we have full control over how we live our lives, and the people we allow into our lives. If you find yourself being bullied by another woman, I suggest the following options:

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EmpowHER Guest

Can you provide more strategies? It is hard to document the "inappropriate" behavior as you say, when these bullies have become more "sophisticated and subtle" in how they target.

September 10, 2016 - 5:38am
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