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Studies and articles tend to focus on the negative aspects of living alone, but there is something to be said for the pleasures of alone time.
Living alone doesn’t always have to be associated with isolation, depression and poor mental health.
In fact, living alone could also be a sign of independence, self-sufficiency, self-actualization (potentially) and even good mental health. Experts weigh in on the potential mental health benefits of living alone.
Mikaya Heart, a life coach and author of books such as “The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women” and “My Sweet Wild Dance,” said that living with others is a more culturally acceptable way of living, but it’s important to our health to live alone at some point. Living alone can actually help you learn more about yourself and who you are.
“You must separate yourself from cultural and familial influences in order to identify what it is that you need, how you want to be in the world,” Heart said.
“We are much more able to get in touch with the personal inner wisdom that is available to all of us when we have quiet space to ourselves; and we may also be able to get in touch with feelings inside that need to be given a voice.”
“Ultimately this always makes us healthier people, but the process of getting in touch with those feelings is sometimes difficult,” she added.
“So there may be a period of time when we are still seeking to distract ourselves from our feelings, and in that period of time, living alone can feel unpleasant, even though it may be a necessary part of the process of achieving health.”
However, it does come down to an individual preference, and there must be a choice to either live alone or with others, or the lack of a choice could lead to unhappiness.
Tina B. Tessina, a psychotherapist and author of “It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction,” said in an email that if people are connected while living alone, then living alone is not an issue.
“If a person has a social circle and is active, living alone is not a problem,” Tessina said.
“In fact, it can be healthier than living with someone in a dysfunctional relationship. An active person's alone time is cherished and feels basically good. But, a person who is isolated can withdraw into depression, paranoia and bad habits. An isolated person has no reality check in the feedback of friends and family.”
Some people might see living alone in a negative light because they are personally unable to live without others and don’t know how to remain socially connected while living alone, but there are several benefits to living with others, despite the negativity sometimes associated with living alone.
“Your home can be exactly as you like it, and you don't have to deal with someone else's needs and wants,” Tessina said.
“If you know how to stay socially connected, you can entertain exactly as you want to. Also, if you have certain hobbies or occupations, such as writing, painting, contemplation, or tinkering with carpentry or mechanics or computers, living alone is very conducive to these personal forms of expression.”
Being alone and embracing time with oneself can be important in the journey of self-actualization, but this can also be accomplished by living alone or with others.
“Enjoying privacy and solitude can be a hallmark of the self-actualized, but so can having a happy social life, or a very healthy live-in relationship,” Tessina said.
“Self-actualized people know how to make the most of who they are - they understand themselves and are connected to themselves. This makes both solitude and social connections more fulfilling.”
Susan Elliott, author of “Getting Past Your Breakup: How To Turn A Devastating Loss Into The Best Thing That Ever Happened To You,” said in an email that living alone can free people from the stress of living with others and the problems that sometimes result from cohabitating (such as cleaning up after other peoples’ messes).
Living alone (and being OK with that) can also allow people to be in relationships for the right reasons, not because they are “afraid of being alone.”
“A healthy person knows that they need to take time out every day or every few days to think, to create, to just be,” Elliott said. “Many people who are not there simply can't take being alone. You cannot be healthy and happy if you do not know how to be alone.”
Sources:
Heart, Mikaya. Email interview. June 27, 2012.
http://www.mikayaheart.org
Tessina, Tina. Email interview. June 27, 2012.
http://www.tinatessina.com
Elliott, Susan. Email interview. June 27, 2012. http://www.gettingpastyourbreakup.com/gettingpastyourpast
Reviewed July 5, 2012
by Michele Blacksberg RN
Edited by Jody Smith
Add a Comment1 Comments
In my boring post fifty gay experience living alone is grand and from the looks of those who live with others I am the lucky one. Partnering in the straight world is tough enough but in the gay world it is simply stupid, at least for me. Dealing with the attrition of dating and the toll it takes on your mind trust issues and delicate heart it makes sense to live alone and carefully explore friendships and very carefully date. For me living alone is an elegance I can not put into words. Discovering it is amazing and you may find that you like it too. The world by invitation is a truly grand thing ladies. My two cents and the best to you all.
July 26, 2012 - 11:59pmThis Comment