Photo: Getty Images
Judging by the state of my equilibrium, it must be just after my annual Christmas/New Year's debauchery. Don't be too impressed, my debauchery is not very adventurous, nor very interesting. Certainly I have been less fascinating in my taboo dabblings than many other holiday-imbibers.
Toasting with too much champagne, celebrating with too much spiked egg nog, greeting too many Tequila Sunrises ... These are the seductive but treacherous ingredients to many a post-holiday headache and mutinous digestive system. These were not the causes of my (temporary) demise, however. For me, junk food lives up to its name.
Just can't eat the stuff. I have food sensitivities that most of the time I treat with respect. But during the holidays ... I can't even eat mixed nuts more than two days in a row without ending up in agony. Hide the nutcrackers when I 'm around, for my own good.
And what could be wrong with some cheesy nachos? For someone who reacts like I do to them ... The list of things wrong seems endless right now.
A little chocolate can't hurt, can it? (Answer: Yes, it can. Especially when it stops being a little and turns into The Chocolate, Cheesy Nachos and Mixed Nuts Diet.)
I don't drink "real" drinks anymore. But I indulged in some ginger ale. Okay, I indulged in a lot of ginger ale. I had a glass on my table keeping me company every day during the big holiday blowout.
I mean, look how innocent and benign this drink appears. So elegant, fizzing discreetly by my side.
No caffeine. Reassuringly beige. They even give it to people with colds and flu to make them feel better.
Well, they'd best not do that with me. It doesn't make me feel better. Not by Day 2 or 3 on the Ginger Ale Diet, at any rate.
So. I'm heading back to water with lemon slice, and plain kefir. My palate is bored but my gut is grateful. It prefers boredom to the type of excitement and upheaval I've been putting it through.
I don't have a Big Girl Headache from jello shots or whiskey. I have the wimp's version of a full-body hangover, one that has stirred up gluten and sugar plus my miscellaneous other sensitivities and shown me once again who's boss.