Divorce Resource Advocate Linda Kazares recalls how she managed the ups and downs during her divorce.
Let’s talk about managing the ups and downs of divorce. Let me tell you a couple of things that have happened to me.
After my first divorce, actually leading up to it, I was drastically unhappy. I didn’t really have anybody to talk to. This was about 25 years ago and frankly, back then you didn’t talk about these types of things very much.
In fact I had moved out of the house for at least two months before even my family knew about it.
So how did I handle it? Poorly, very poorly. Next divorce. Next marriage. Somewhat similarly, I was sitting watching TV one day, my husband came home from a trip. I turned the TV off.
I said, “We have to talk.” He said, “Okay.” I said, “We need to get divorced.” He said, “Okay.”
I turned the TV back on and that was the last time we talked about it – pretty awful. Pretty awful, pretty embarrassing even to talk about it because nobody should be that cold in that situation.
The first time I got divorced I felt my emotions were pretty steady after that. The second time I figured, well I have had a lot of experience at this point so it’s going to be easier, and the truth of the matter was it hit me like a ton of bricks.
It took me a couple of years to get over the emotional impact. I started to think about the failure, okay? The end of a marriage isn’t always failure. At that point I felt that that marriage I had failed because it seemed so easy to throw it away.
The ups of marriage I can express with my current husband, he is amazing. It’s hard to find people like him. He has put up with my moods during that first few years when I would kind of flip-flop and blame him and he is terrific.
So I think one of the ways to manage marriage is to make sure that you are with the right person who will see you through all of the tough times.
About Linda Kazares:
She is the author of several marketing books and was a consultant to Fortune 500 technology companies. During her 35+ years as an entrepreneur, she has been divorced twice, produced of 50 conferences and has been married for 13 years happily for a third and final time. She has created the ConnectedIn Divorce Resource website to make available qualified information and education for individuals considering, in the process of or after divorce.