Someone very close to me, is the victim of what I would term emotional and psychological abuse, not to mention an abusive manipulation. the problem is, she does not agree with my assessment. To list the facts, many provided by her, the rest witnessed.
She and her ex (now increasingly current) boyfriend broke up almost a year ago, about a year after they got into college. She, began to expand to fill her new horizons, he however just became more of what he was (very religious, and very conservative, neither normally a bad thing). the problem was, previous to this they had really only had each other as both made few friends and both came from traumatic homes. She began to make friends, form new ideas and opinions, and in general grow. He didn't, and became increasingly angry and demanding at her growing beyond him. the led to several months of fighting, mostly because she was doing things with her friends instead of always with him, and ended with him throwing a punch at her that barely missed her face and hit the wall next to her.
Over the next several months, he would alternate between cajoling her to get back together with him, apologizing & promising change, etc. And verbally harassing her, stating (this is a list overheard or given by her) "she was a bitch/slut/whore/worthless", that "their whole relationship was a lie and a sin", "he regretted ever knowing/dating/sleeping with her", "no one could ever love her like him/ and that his was a pure love that could only come from God"
This continued for months even while she was in another relationship, he continued to harass or plead with her to get back together with him in varied patterns. During this, her then current boyfriend would often be on the phone with her (they attend different colleges) for 8 hours or more calming, supporting and reassuring her, sadly never able to convince her to report him. The attacks grew to the point, she was at several times considering either running away from school, family, friends and moving to somewhere in the country nobody knew her just to get away from it. She also, at least twice considered suicide as an option.
The ex however, with some 5 years of intimate familiarity, knows all her triggers (both good and bad) and was able to talk her down from any fatal actions, immediately apologizing and promising her he would back off and leave her alone as "she obviously loves (her then current boyfriend) and he must be a great guy" so he (the ex) would let her "be happy".
Only to immediately start again, with the pleading and the assaults.
After months of this, he suddenly changed patterns, becoming as conciliatory and as kind as he could possibly be, eventually becoming one of the driving forces behind her leaving her current boyfriend, and is now close to if not actually dating her again.
Any discussion with her on this becomes defensive, where she insists that it isn't abusive, but that "he can be an ass" and she "can be a bitch" when upset. And glosses over the sheer number of times he verbally attacked her without cause, and all the times he lied to her in the process. If the physical threat is mentioned, she responds with "if you want to get technical, yes he punched the wall by my face, but I slapped him once when he called me a whore".
So, am I wrong in this? Is this emotional and verbal abuse with a emotional manipulation thrown in? (He has the power to hurt her like no other, but he is also the one who can save her from harm when he does so) I know what I believe, but so far no one else in her life seems to agree, or rather notice.
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