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How can I deal with stress, depression, and anxiety!

By May 27, 2011 - 9:57pm
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As a single mother, attending graduate school, and managing a home I feel overwhelm and at times exhausted from all of lifes demands. I sometimes feel sad that I don't have any support and that includes family support. I am alone and trying to mange everything by myself. Some days I just wake-up feeling exhausted thinking of all the mommy duties, school duties, that need to get done. In addition, coming from a dysfunctional family and complexed family background, I am somewhat angry that I came from such horrible circumstances. I don't have any close friends nor anyone I can turn to when times get hard. Again, I am alone and don't understand why I have nobody in my life?

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Thanks Kate,
I appreciate you taking time to write and offer wonderful insight. I wish I could employ some of your suggestions, but at this time I am sinking deeper into depression and feel emotionally exhausted. I feel each and every time I try and move forward and beyond the present dilemma/challenge something happens that completely set me back. It would be nice if I had a great support system and friends that I could reach out to, but unfortunately I don't. I have nobody, and I feel extremely sad that I am alone and trying to do everything on my own.

Mz Undefeated

June 15, 2011 - 4:59pm

Hello, this is Kate.
I am glad you joined our group. I think there are a few of 'can do's' here.
1) BODY:exercise - move breathe, get your blood pumping, stretch and feel your body. when you are most tired, most depressed go out and get real air. take your kids too!
2)MIND: recognize what you cannot do anything about and let it go. eg. your past. (If you want more on this I have a section from my upcoming book I can share with you)
What you can do, make a short plan - step by do-able step and do it. then do the next bit.
3) SPIRIT: engage in the arts - write, draw, dance, play music - anything to shift yourself into the deep soul level creative state.
if you know how to meditate do it, if not, ask someone to show you. BREATHE.
Look around where you live, is there a support group? something at your college? hospital based/offered community program where people come, meet, share and deal with this kind of inertia and loneliness?

take time each day first thing, to truly give thanks for what you have.. slowly, quietly. write it down. 'I am in gratitude for, I am fortunate to have, my blessimgs are...'
and do that again before you to so sleep at night.

Ultimately however, your deeper,wiser self is your greatest ally and you are the only one who can access and use it to your best health and empowerment.

Stay in touch!

June 15, 2011 - 4:03pm
HERWriter Guide

Hi mz_undefeated

Thanks for your post!

I can understand how over-whelmed you must be!

There are some practical things you can do to lessen stress in your life although I don't think you will like all of them because you sound very ambitious (which is a good thing) but perhaps a little too much, considering your situaion.

Firstly, your kids and home come first. Also your work, if you do work. Do you? If you do, then drastically cutting down on your studies is going to relieve you of a lot of stress. I know you want to get your graduate degree (and good for you!) but you have to realize that although we can achieve anything - we can't do so all at once. Since you are currently over-whelmed as is, then obviously you need to change things. And it should be school. Don't give up or stop, just take the minimum requirements. Don't set a date for yourself to graduate. That's fine for a regular student to do but your case is a lot different. Take every semester as it comes.

Regarding your childhood - you have to let it go. Only you are responsible for the life you have now and no-one else. If you need therapy to resolve your anger, then therapy is a good idea. Don't let your childhood dictate how you live today.

Is the father of your child(ren) in the picture at all? He is legally obligated to pay child support so is he doing this? Is he taking care of the children and sharing custody? This will help you enormously and will obviously be very good for the children.

If you don't have family support, then try a single moms group. Try the website www.meetup.com and you'll see there are many groups with women similar to you! Join!

Be open to friendship. Be open to listening to others and talking to others. Look at the positive things in your life; there are many.

1. You have your children
2. You childhood was awful - but it's OVER!
3. You have an undergrad degree.
4. You are working toward a graduate degree which will open many doors for you!
5. You have your health

Talk about all these positives to new friends, rather than the negatives. I know you said you didn't understand why you don't have people in your life but are you receptive to people? Do you smile and say hello and ask people how their day is? Do this -show you are friendly and fun. People may be a little afraid to befriend you if they think you're not a happy person. Fake it until you make it and once you have established trust with others, you can open up a little about your life.

Let me know what you think!

May 28, 2011 - 9:29am
(reply to Susan Cody)

Hi Susan,
Thanks for your reply. To answer some of your questions: I am currently unemployed as of April of this year; the job was extremely stressful and just a lot of co-workers problematic issues. This summer I am taking a break from school and will start back August of this year. I have only one child that's 11yrs old, the father has been out of the picture since our child was a toddler, he have real bad substance abuse, and is currently out of the State. I was married to him and we divorce back in 2002. He was physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally abusive towards me. In regards, to my childhood, I continually try and move forward, but when holidays and celebrations come up the memories re-surfaces. For example, next week my child will be graduating from grammar school and I have nobody to invite to the graduation. In regards to a therapist, I've tried to find one that's a fit but unsuccessful, being unemployed and trying to get a therapist can be extremely costly because each session with a therapist cost, and this includes consultation with the therapist to see if he or she is a fit. I live in a very suburban community and not a large city and there is very little to do, I fill very disconnected. Most people in my community have nuclear families, not many single parents. I live a very boring dreadful life, and have little inspiration to do anything except watch television, do my mommy duties etc. I am just unhappy about my situation and haven't been on date or adult social event for years.

May 28, 2011 - 2:49pm
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