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Monogamy in Male Female Friendships

By Anonymous March 28, 2010 - 9:33am
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Is monogamy possible between male and female friends? I wanted to get some input from others about this subject. I have several male friends for well over 20 years that appears to be changing. Sex between myself and my male counterparts has never been an issue until recently. I have a great deal of emotional attachment to my friends but why can't it stay that way without the question of sex or a relationship out of the friendship?

This has become a problem in my life since two of my male counterparts have expressed a great deal of sexual tension. This is only on their parts, not mine. But, why? Why all of a sudden after 20 years has this become an issue and now this is jeopardizing our close friendships. We both have open friendships and talk about everything but now he expresses anger over his feelings for me. How do you straighten this out without losing a friend but not engaging either? Is it truly impossible to have male/female friendships?

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EmpowHER Guest

We as men, feel a deep need to attach ourselves to a female in more ways than just friendship. If the friendship is strong enough then this is just a "I haven't experienced her body yet" kinda phase. sleeping with either of them could really ruin the bond you all share. I'm sorry but its true. Don't sleep with either of them keep it friends and tell them both you don't want it to be more than a friendship. This advice will keep your relationship together without error.

Also don't let them try talking you into it, a guy will say anything he can to get something like sex. A good example is the, "I want to be more than friends" or if you say you want to just be friends and one attempts to be a friend with benefits, make sure he is turned down. think of your relationship as a house of cards, a card for every year. Then add sex with one or both of them, you see it crashing down? Yeah stay friends and make sure you get that in their heads. Good-luck


March 29, 2010 - 1:10pm


Good Question!
As far as I can remember in my friendships with men, most of them want more than just your friendship. It's difficult for us as women because we genuinely just want their friendship, meanwhile they are trying to figure out how to get into our pants or how to tell us that they want more than just our friendship. I did have some friendships with guys who were my best friends boyfriends and basically knew that anything further than a friendship was IMPOSSIBLE. Fortunately for me, no boundaries were ever attempted to be crossed with them. Other guys, however, that I met and thought could potentially be just friends with always seemed to either show interest, throw hints, or blatantly tell me that they were not interested in being friends only.

Unfortunately in your situation, I don't think there is a way around it once the unspoken has been said. Once a man has told you that he is interested in more and you are not, his feelings won't go away. The best he can do is understand and remain friends with you but both of you will know that he feels otherwise. Some men are willing to stay on the back-burner with hopes that one day you will change your mind-- though this isn't really fair to them unless you have made it perfectly clear that it will NEVER happen. Others, will not stay to hang around.

Based on my personal experience, very FEW men and women are able to function as friends only; Without either one of them ever developing feelings for each other. Sometimes it takes a few months and sometimes it takes years but eventually feelings will be exposed and a decision is left to be made.

March 28, 2010 - 1:20pm
HERWriter Guide (reply to Rosa Cabrera RN)

Rosa pretty much sums up how I feel.

It's that old When Harry Met Sally question. Can men and women really be just friends? It turned out they couldn't. When I was single, I had very few male friends, unless they were gay. It doesn't mean I'm so desirable that every man fell head over heels but for the most part, platonic friendships never worked out for me. Now that I'm married, it's a lot easier although my straight male friends tend to be partnered up with my female friends.

March 29, 2010 - 12:57pm
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