My boyfriend continues to save pictures of naked women on his computer after I've asked him to stop! Then masturbates while I am sleeping in the same room!

Karma,

If you have not already, leave him. He is intentionally pushing you to make you back down on the issue. That is not healthy for you, or for a relationship, for someone to be constantly challenging for top dog position. I'd say he has emotional issues relating to women that have not been properly addressed and that he should see a psychologist about it. The masturbating in bed with you next to him is again, him trying to show you he is the boss and that he is sexually frustrated. It's another power play, and quite frankly is disrespectful!

I know this because I am male and stumbled on this looking for something completely different but felt compelled to comment.

Now, regarding the viewing of pornography and saving pictures. In the mind of a male this is not a disrespectiful action. Males gain the great majority of sexual stimulation from visual, touch and auditory senses. I have had to show my fiance actual academic proof before she would believe me about that, and it is a fundemental difference between the sexes. We have been together for two years.

I pose this question to all of the commentors, how many of you have read the 50 Shades series? In many mens minds, that represents the same difficult situation that porn does for women.

There is a mindset here that can be changed regarding pornography for both sexes, and that is that it does not represent a lack of interest in your partner, rather that it is a tool we use to excite ourselves. Our brains are addicted to the feeling of being excited sexually, and that is something that developed to ensure we reproduce.

Just a comment for everyones reference. If you see your partner looking at pornography, don't lose it and stomp off. Get involved and draw him away from it. If getting physical won't draw him away from the porn then there really is a problem that needs to be addressed. And if there is a reason that you don't want to get involved, again that may be a problem that needs to be addressed.

I sincerely hope that you are able to find peace with this issue Karma. He sounds like a POS, but I'm judging a person here based on too little.

Karma, maybe you didn't read my post because there are soo many of us with this problem. I am still married to my porn/sex addict. I never feel really truly secure in my marriage. And I still find out he looks at stuff. Now he's smarter...uses his iPad because you can delete the history and it's untraceable. (Ladies watch out for that trick... flaw in the product. Many kids are using it for the same purpose and parents can't do anything unless they set a password. Anyway, we've done it all, private counseling, sex therapy, leaving each other, etc... Before we were married we split up for 2 months. And we did just like you...occasional dinner, he was always calling and saying nice things, but I found out he was sleeping around too. Nevertheless, when he proposed I said yes under many conditions, one being that the internet was out of the picture. Karma, here I am 2 years later still struggling with the same thing!!! If you can't deal with it or accept it...LEAVE AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!! I gave him a second, third, fourth chance only for me to be "stuck on stupid". I love him, but this is crazy. That men can't or don't want to try to understand or care about how it hurts their partner is absolutely insane.

Be good to yourself! Feel strength in yourself! Choose your men wisely, and recognize that 99% of men at one time or another look at porn. Some like it more than other's. Some are addicted. Know your potential mate, take your time to find out what is really behind those closed doors.

A wise friend told me that you truly know how a man will treat you after 6 months and she has yet to be proven wrong. At my 6 month mark, I found out he was dating another woman even after I asked if he was, because I didn't want to get entangled in a mess. After 6 months of marriage, I again found the porn and Craigslist issue. And of course all the times between...promises broken, trust destroyed. Now I'm married to a wonderful man and a monster addiction that hurts me daily.
Don't do that to yourself!
My therapist says it's like an alcohol addiction. Unless he goes through tremendous amounts of therapy and makes a commitment to a group/therapist it's inevitable that he will fall off the wagon. Like a drink to an alcoholic, it is an addiction that makes them feel good. Why would they totally give it up, and hiding it increases the rush of adrenaline - making it even better.
Don't give him the greatness in you... think of it this way... if he can't change then he needs to move on because this is your world... he's just taking up your space and breathing your air!!

long story buy highlights!!! I know first hand, I met someone on line after my husband died,it was just for talk and to help with the loneliness , well friended several other men and I had made it clear would not meet anyone untill the 1 yr, out of respect and love for my husband. well 2 of the frinds were to be in my city after talking for 2 months, (my husband had been gone 8 months before I got online,) so I agreed to meet them ,and since I was interested in the guy who lived and worked in same city as me wanted to meet him first, so I did , we hit it off, we have mostly been togeter since, , it had been 10 months since my husband had passed away, 11 months before making love with new man. now a yr laterwith him (2 yrs since husband passed), he has told me I am the love of his life, he wants needs and loves me, well you get the picture, he does so many things to back up his words, but he has flirted on line behind my back, I always find out and not by snooping , anyway I had told him how much that hurt me, I also said he could do whatevr he wanted I was not trying to control him but MY man, I would not tolerate that,and if he wanted more he should be honest cuase I could have more too, so he had a choice , he wanted to me my man or he didn't, he was sorry made promises wanted me ! things were so good and I truley thought I had the fairytale only to find out he was talking sex online and exchanging naked crotch shots with her,and lying to my face, I was done with him, but I loved him so much, he begged promised , gave me access to all put one e-mail acct, ??? and his actions all say he loves me and realizes he made a big mistake, but I have this little voice that keeps saying yes he loves you cares and wants you but he will never change and he most likely has things hidden so you can't find and most likely in the acct he won;t let you see, (he says legal reasons, but he also says he trust me with his very life!!!??) So what do I do???? trust him or cut him loose???

I too have had the same problem he delees the stuff for me to turn around and find that its bookmarked in his phone I too have expressed my feelings of disrespect and hurt but weve been together for almost four years and have an amzing lil boy I find myself stuck bc I cant bare to think of my lil boy hatinf me for breaking up his family. Thats why I stay. Our love life sucks. He wont touch me! I dont know what to.do.

I've been in somewhat that situation. I knew about my husbands struggle with porn before we married, but I don't think it bothered me as much then because we were having sex consistently. Days after we were married though, I would get home to a completely locked house, and I found out he was downloading porn and masturbating to it, yet we weren't having sex. He blamed it on the fact that I was upset, which I don't believe because he's attempted to initiate sex on other occasions when Ive been upset. He said he would stop. On one occasion I walked onto the balcony and noticed he was hidinghiding his phone so I asked him what's up and he said he was just texting his friend. Minutes later it came out he was looking up sex real dolls. After this lie, my trust was extremely broken and I was constantly suspicious. I checked his computer and constantly brought porn up when I was upset. The hardest thing for me now is that on the day before my birthday, he decided to get drunk, which is another addiction that he struggles with. We got into a loud argument, which is consistent when alcohol is involved. The porn issue came up, I stomped off to bed. I awoke the next day (my birthday) got on the computer, and was heartbroken and horrified to find that during the night, he had downloaded numerous rape porn videos. I asked him about it and first he denied it and said he didn't know, then that he didn't remember, then he said that he did it because he actually wanted to get off (he has issues getting and maintaining an erection and reaching orgasm) and this really cut me because I have felt inadequate to please him when these things happen and I get angry that I've found socks with sperm), and he also partially blamed it on me staying that since I was always accusing him if doing it (I don't think I was accusing him, checking his computer is holding him accountable to his promise and me being suspicious about it constantly as part if the territory that comes with him lying to me about it more than once, even after interventions), he might as well do it. This hurt me so much that even on my birthday I wasn't good enough :'( I feel like he did it intentionally but he says no. I'm not sure though because we've had that same argument numerous times, yet on my birthday is when he decided to leave that porn there for me to find. I feel that every birthday from now on us ruined because I will always remember that one which us the first of mine we shared together. I'm at the point where I feel like I'll never please him or satisfy him sexually. He says porn both comforts and excites him and it makes me feel like my body and sex don't do either for him :( He tells me that I'm beautiful and sexy but its hard to believe that he really thinks that. I used to love my body, I loved walking around the house naked, now I hardly do that and when I do, it has to be when he's not there. I've lost some weight and am trying to lose more, and I'm saving up money to get breast implants. I don't know what else I can do to please him and I've asked him what I can do but he ignores that question. I'm so sad and lost :(

It's totally sad that these men carry on like there innocent. My husband of 11 years has just for the past 6month been saving nude porn images of chicks, going on wacked ass porn site's. He knows I'm furious, agreed to earse them. But yes only to see that in his phone browser there are bookmarks of porn site after porn site. I never use to mind us looking at them together, but when it became a him thing and not a we thing I was hurt. Now I'm struggling with just holding on. What for let him have the porn site. After all he won't stop

Hi guys, this is truly an interesting forum. I have been seeing my boyfriend now for over 2 years and living together almost as long. IN the beginning things were great. Soon after though (just 2 months) he no longer wanted me in a sexual manner. Sex soon went from everyday to once a week, then once every 2 weeks, then once every 3 weeks now a month will pass and he does not ever come onto me. If I initiate things he would go through with it but many a time as soon as he reaches orgasm I am left on my own to finish by myself as he falls to sleep. He is constantly on fb, twitter, bbm and tubmlr and is always sending message to women telling them how awesome their pics are etc. I have even caught him watching porn on television while I slept even though he does not seem to be aroused while doing so. He is also into photography and loves taking pics of women and sharing with the guys. He is always looking at pornographic pics of women and when I ask him about it he says he is an artist and just enjoys looking at them but is not aroused by them, I told him I find it strange since I love sex so much and want it all the time but it seems he is never into it and would never make the first move for it unless I do. I also asked him if he was not attracted to me anymore and he said he loves me and finds me very sexy. I am so fed up and emotionally drained right now it is driving me crazy.

I have just broken up with my partner of six years because I cannot accept his need to masturbate over porn and images of other women. I have just had a baby, she is now 4 months old, I have been extremely ill with mental health problems and cannot take the stress of living with a partner that does this. I actually find the porn less upsetting than the masturbation over other women, when it was the porn his excuse was he enjoyed watching the act of sex, but I am unable to understand why he has to go on the adult channels on sky and get off on watching scantily clad women just laying there, I find this soul destroying. He has watched it online, on telly, and when I was in the psychiatric ward 8 months pregnant with his baby he even watched it on his phone round his mothers house. He says he averages masturbating over this smut about 3 times a week and sometimes he does it in his lunch hour too when I am not home. He has lied about his use of it over and over again. Porn is not harmless, for the first time in my life I have become ashamed of my body, I also cannot give myself sexually to a man who can come over practically any woman, it does not make me feel special. It has destroyed our relationship.