Suicide has been in the headlines recently, with the deaths of former Growing Pains actor Andrew Koenig in Vancouver and Michael Blosil, the son of Marie Osmond.
Both had a long history of depression.
It's too general to say that everyone who commits suicide has a form of mental illness or depression. Criminals have committed suicide rather than face long prison terms and stockbrokers have killed themselves when they find all their money gone. While depression many also be a factor in these cases-fear, revenge, guilt and obsession with materialism also plays a part.
But most suicide cases are not due to crimes or misdemeanors. They are a result of hopelessness, despair, loneliness and depression. Addiction may also be a factor. Depression may be as a result of abuse in their past or present, unresolved conflict, death or illness of loved ones, substance abuse or their own health.
According to suicide.org, depression is the leading cause of suicide. Empowher describes depression as "a mental illness characterized by feelings of profound sadness and lack of interest in enjoyable activities. Depression is not the same as a blue mood. It is a persistent low mood that interferes with the ability to function and appreciate things in life. It may cause a wide range of symptoms, both physical and emotional. It can last for weeks, months, or years. People with depression rarely recover without treatment.
Risk factors include:
◦Sex: female
◦Age: elderly
◦Chronic physical or mental illness, including thyroid disease, headaches, chronic pain, and stroke
◦Previous episode of depression
◦Major life changes or stressful life events (eg, bereavement, trauma)
◦Postpartum depression
◦Winter season for seasonal affective disorder
◦Little or no social support
◦Low self-esteem
◦Lack of personal control over circumstances
◦Family history of depression (parent or sibling)
◦Feelings of helplessness
◦Certain medications, including medications used to treat asthma , high blood pressure , arthritis, high cholesterol , and heart problems
◦Smoking
◦Anxiety
◦Insomnia
◦Personality disorders
◦Hypothyroidism
Symptoms
Symptoms of depression are highly variable from person to person. Some people have only a few symptoms, while others have many. Symptoms also vary over time.
Symptoms can change over time and may include:
◦Persistent feelings of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness
◦Hopelessness
◦Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless
◦Loss of interest in hobbies and activities
◦Loss of interest in sex
◦Feeling tired
◦Trouble concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
◦Trouble sleeping, waking up too early, or oversleeping
◦Eating more or less than usual
◦Weight gain or weight loss
◦Thoughts of death or suicide with or without suicide attempts
◦Restlessness or irritability
◦Physical symptoms that defy standard diagnosis and do not respond well to medical treatments
For more, including diagnosis and treatment, click on our Depression page here : https://www.empowher.com/media/reference/depression#definition
What surprised me were the comments written on the many news stories and blogs regarding the well publicized cases of Andrew Koenig and Michael Blosil. Some called them selfish, self-obsessed people who didn't care about who they left behind. And who didn't care about the aftermath of their death. The guilt of families and friends. The permanent thoughts of "why" and "what could I have done to prevent this?" that can plague their loved ones forever.
Suicide has nothing to do with selfishness-rather, it is the final, dark and desperate end of depression, when mind and body no longer can function in a normal way. People who commit suicide are generally unable to even understand the effect their death will have on others - the level of their mental illness has destroyed any hope for logical or practical thought.
Families are left behind with all that remorse, guilt and unfathomable sadness. Sometimes it consumes them and it remains with them for life. There is help for families and friends of suicide victims and it can be found here at Survivors of Suicide. Local state-by-state support groups are also here: http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/help_heal.shtml
Families and friends should know that they are never to blame for a loved one's suicide.
Suicide can be prevented-
Strategies to reduce your chance of becoming depressed include:
◦Being aware of your personal risk
◦Having a psychiatric evaluation and psychotherapy if needed
◦Developing social supports
◦Learning stress management techniques
◦Exercising regularly
◦Do not abuse or overuse alcohol or drugs
◦Getting adequate sleep, rest, and recreation
For anyone thinking of suicide, please reach out. If you feel you can't reach families or don't have friends to connect to, you can contact us here on Empowher for guidance or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) - these lines are open available 27/7/365
In case of emergency, please call 911.
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Add a Comment20 Comments
Sounds a lot like my dad. i think it was that generation of men who didn't know how to connect. I don't really think a suicide attempt would make your dad change. You learned that he wasn't going to change. by the way he reacted to your desperate message. The only place to go with that is to realize he is not going to be a person in your life that you can count on and trust for emotional support, or acceptance. That's just him. I didn't like my dad much growing up. I thought he was a messed up person, because of his own childhood, and had to realize that he just was who he was. You on the other hand still have emotional needs that need attention, but sadly for both of you Dad isn't likely to be the one to be there for you. So you still have to get those needs met once in a while, friends, other family, support groups, therapists, are a few possibilities. But since you didn't have an example of a dad who knew how to get his own emotional needs met so that he had something to give to you, it may take time and therapy to "reparent" you. A really good therapist can do this, but it takes time, because basically those formative years are years of growth experiences we can't miss out on if we want to be emotionally healthy adults. We have to get it some where from another mentor, who accepts us as we are, is responsible, reliable, patient, and caring. In the process of doing that you will understand dad a lot better, as well as yourself. My dad and I never talked much about my growing up but we were finally able to accept that each of us had our own wounds and just did what we knew how to do at the time. Your dad was part of your wounding, but human beings are resilient, there may be scars, but we do heal in time.
January 5, 2011 - 8:16amThis Comment
Thanks for your understanding. Means more than you could imagine. I am almost 44 years old and I can still feel the pain. I can't imagine not feeling this pain anymore so I can't imagine how long it will take.I have gone to some therapy and I understand that there is nothing that can change the past or take those feelings away. I was taught some tools to move forward with. I accept that what has happened, has happened but how I wish I could be hypnotised or take a pill that would make me forget. I don't want to commit suicide but I'm certainly not afraid of dying anymore. It would be the end of this hurt. I will embrace it when my time comes. I don't have a very strong group of family and friends are very few. I seem to be happiest when I'm alone. Life goes on I know and I can only hope it can get better because if I haven't wanted to end if after my last few years then I think I can handle almost anything. thanks again
January 5, 2011 - 9:33amThis Comment
The past is what happened. Once we lived in that moment. We remember it and respect ourselves and wonder at our fortune at having survived. Our minds tell us stories, sometimes the stories make us feel worse sometimes they help us feel stronger. We survive when we remember who we are in life, deep down, the spark of curiosity, desire, passion that is us. That is who we are, not a dusty library of history books and tragedies. We are not just a memory, we are the ones who are still standing, who clear the battlefield, and build a new life, build a better one, because of the lessons of the past, we build the life we want. We move beyond the past because we are alive, because we can choose, because it is what we want.
January 16, 2011 - 9:13amThis Comment
I believe that pain can be helped. Filling your present life with something meaningful can make the past hurts fade into the past where they come from. The past is a memory, it is a part of life that has ended. Life is only the moment we are living in. If we fill today with meaning, the past becomes less important, because the only person we really are is the one we are right now. We have one moment at a time, this one. It holds all our power. Memory is not life, life is the open door. It is the moment we choose.
January 16, 2011 - 8:35amThis Comment
Sounds a lot like my dad. i think it was that generation of men who didn't know how to connect. I don't really think a suicide attempt would make your dad change. You learned that he wasn't going to change. by the way he reacted to your desperate message. The only place to go with that is to realize he is not going to be a person in your life that you can count on and trust for emotional support, or acceptance. That's just him. I didn't like my dad much growing up. I thought he was a messed up person, because of his own childhood, and had to realize that he just was who he was. You on the other hand still have emotional needs that need attention, but sadly for both of you Dad isn't likely to be the one to be there for you. So you still have to get those needs met once in a while, friends, other family, support groups, therapists, are a few possibilities. But since you didn't have an example of a dad who knew how to get his own emotional needs met so that he had something to give to you, it may take time and therapy to "reparent" you. A really good therapist can do this, but it takes time, because basically those formative years are years of growth experiences we can't miss out on if we want to be emotionally healthy adults. We have to get it some where from another mentor, who accepts us as we are, is responsible, reliable, patient, and caring. In the process of doing that you will understand dad a lot better, as well as yourself. My dad and I never talked much about my growing up but we were finally able to accept that each of us had our own wounds and just did what we knew how to do at the time. Your dad was part of your wounding, but human beings are resilient, there may be scars, but we do heal in time.
January 5, 2011 - 8:12amThis Comment
I have had several relatives and friends commit suicide, and one thing I do know is that although my relatives all completed the act, some of my friends who were found or sought help, when treated within a few days were no longer in that state of mind, nor could they imagine feeling a desire to die.
July 24, 2010 - 11:04pmThis Comment
I think whatever the reasoning, people commit suicide when live feels so intolerable that it overcomes their fear of death.
July 24, 2010 - 11:00pmThis Comment
I read this very thing in an article I read about this subject.
March 13, 2011 - 3:29pmThis Comment
My ex-husband committed suicide and it was extremely sad. You said that people are depressed and live in a dark dimension which is certainly true. He was a soldier too who never made it home from Iraq which is very common in the military right now. As an ex-soldier myself, I still keep in contact with many people who are still serving and the suicide prevention training is of high importance right now.
It will always effect the lives of the people who are left behind. I think myself along with his family ask why? What could we have done and the answer is nothing. I never knew about the website you mentioned, Susan and thank you for finding such a great support line.
How do you move on? You don't. You will always remember and just trying to learn how to deal with it as a survivor is halfway winning the battle. Remember the good times and not the sad depressive state.
March 20, 2010 - 9:49amThis Comment
I believe a major cause of suicide is loss of hope in a person's life. The situation just gets overwhelming and things are just easier when you give up. Sad really.
March 20, 2010 - 6:01amThis Comment