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There’s just no getting around it; it’s stressful to be a caregiver. It doesn’t matter who you’re caring for or what their condition, the daily sacrifices, decisions, and situations take their toll.
As a caregiver myself, I can tell you that one of the most stressful aspects is dealing with well-meaning friends and family who want to help. The reasons that it is stressful are many, but it all boils down to a conflict between what they want to do for you what you actually want them to do.
As a caregiver you must deal with people who think they are being helpful by giving you advice that you don’t want or need, people who insist they know what’s best for you, people who want to do what they want to do whether you like it or not, etc.
There seems to be this tug-of-war between what people want to do and what caregivers want and need, complicated by both parties being afraid to hurt or stress the other.
Whether you are the caregiver or a well-meaning friend or relative, here are the four words you need to know: ask, tell, be honest.
For caregivers: remember that well-meaning people are just that, and they will be happy to know what you want and need. But you have to tell them! Give them some guidance regarding what you want and don’t want. Be honest and don’t let them tell you what they think you “should” want. Does that seem rude? Maybe. You don’t have to be rude about it, but if they don’t like it that’s just too bad. One thing is for sure; if you don’t make your preferences known you have little chance of getting what you want.
For you well-meaning folks who want to help: ask the caregiver what they would like you to do and, just as importantly, what they don’t want you to do. For example, do you want to come for a visit? That desire may be very strong in you, but if it will be too much for them then you shouldn’t. They, and only they, can decide what is too much and you must respect that decision. Don’t take it personally if they don’t want you to come. Would you want your visit to cause more stress than they already have? If so, you need to re-examine your priorities.
What got me started on this?