Talking About Your Depression While Dating
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It can be challenging to figure out what you should tell the person you’re dating about yourself to begin with, especially if you have depression. Should you hide anything, including any health conditions, or just let them find out certain tidbits later, or disclose everything from the start? Experts share some of their own advice and tips on how to deal with this potentially sticky situation.
Max Shapey, a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in Illinois, said in an email that he doesn’t think it’s necessary to tell someone on a first date about your depression.
“Don't bring it up on the first date: you don't even know if you like the other person yet,” Shapey said. “Depression is not a dread disease; if you're going out on a blind date and your life expectancy is three months, that should probably come up in the conversation.”
It’s OK to divulge information if you think it’s obvious to them and if you need to explain any abnormal behavior, but it’s important to consider the type of person you’re dealing with as well.
“You need to feel safe with the other person to talk about it: it is personal after all,” Shapey said. If the other person seems to be caring and understanding, and doesn’t seem to judge others harshly, it might not be the worst thing you could do to tell them about your depression.
Realistically, depression isn’t an attractive characteristic or mental state, and you have to realize that to some extent.
“But for someone who is depressed but doesn't appear depressed because of treatment and so on, it becomes a different situation,” Shapey said.
Having depression doesn’t mean you need to lie or avoid the topic forever with someone you’re dating.
“By waiting to reveal depression it allows the other person to develop an opinion about you - presumably a favorable one - and that changes the context entirely,” Shapey said.
We value and respect the experiences of all of our HERWriters, but everyone is different. Many of our writers are speaking from personal experience, and what's worked for them may not work for you. Their articles are not a substitute for medical advice although we hope you can gain knowledge from their insight.
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