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Relationships & Family Guide

Cary Cook BSN RN

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How To End A Friendship

By Howdini
 
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More Videos from Howdini 30 videos in this series

Let's face it, not every friendship is meant to last forever. But you can de-friend another person with a bit of tact. Here's Melissa Kirsch, author of The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything, with some tips on how to end a friendship.

KATRINA: I'm Katrina Szish for howdini.com. Let's face it. Some friendships are not made to last forever. Here to tell us how to dump a friend is Melissa Kirsch, the author of The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything. Thanks for joining us Melissa.

MELISSA: Thanks for having me.

KATRINA: How do you decide that it's time to end a friendship?

MELISSA: When a friend starts to feel like she's on your case load rather than actually a friend, then it might be time. When somebody's constantly hurting your feelings or constantly breaking plans, you constantly walk away from them with that feeling like...I don't feel so great, I don't know what happened there, but I don't feel good about this anymore. then it might be time to admit that the friendship has sort of lived out its life and its time to end it.

KATRINA: And then how do you break the news to your friend?

MELISSA: I'm a big fan of the slow fade-out because you know unlike romantic relationships where you have a talk about us and you break things off and you divide the stuff. With a friend it's a little more delicate. You end having coffee or drinks with them without a promise of getting together again. You taper off the emails. You taper off the correspondence. That way you're being respectful, you're being graceful and you're leaving the door open actually for re-friending them for some time in the future.

KATRINA: What if they call you on the fact that they're being de-friended. They say I'm getting the feeling that you're blowing me off. Why aren't you calling me...what if they put you on the spot?

MELISSA: You know, I'm not a big fan of lying, so if someone has hurt your feelings or done you wrong, then there's nothing wrong with actually telling it to her face. Now you can say I've just been really busy, work's gotten really busy, something's gotten really busy. I'm not ignoring you...and then continue to ignore them. It's a little two-faced, but if you're trying to save somebody's feelings, then I think it's okay.

KATRINA: What do you do if you are the one that is being de-friended and you really don't want to lose that friend and you realize that maybe you have been being not so friendly to them. How do you reverse the situation and try to get that friend to keep you?

MELISSA: You know there's nothing you can do. If somebody wants to break up with you, just like a romantic relationship, you don't want to stay with them. If somebody doesn't want to be your friend anymore it can be very difficult to sort of acknowledge that you've done something wrong. You apologize for it. But sometimes it happens that you know you're just not right for each other anymore. You're going different places in your life; you have sort of a sandbar in the relationship. Take some time to mourn it and to say you know I'm sad that we're not friends anymore, but let it go and forgive yourself and say I may never know what caused this person to stop wanting to be friends with me but, I let it go and I wish them well.

KATRINA: Okay and the last question--If you de-friend someone, but then you think maybe this person is worth re-friending. What is a little bit of advice you can give us on how to pull that off?

MELISSA: I prefer an email because picking up the phone and calling someone really puts them on the spot. So approaching the subject through an email saying, you know, I've been thinking about you and I'd like to get together is really a respectful way to ask someone if they want to be your friend again and gives them the opportunity to say no by not writing back.

KATRINA: Okay Melissa Kirsch on the art of friendship. Thank you.

Howdini is life’s little instruction manual, in HD. We’re all about bringing together the top, most respected experts in their fields to help us be the best we can be at all of the little and not-so-little challenges of our complicated lives. Howdini is the place to be for the know-how you want, when you need it. Or maybe it’s the know-how you need, when you want it. Whatever. We’re here to help. So come in and look around, won’t you?

We think you’ll love finding everything you want to learn about in one convenient place, and as we grow and add more categories and more Howdinis, you’ll be doing less surfing and more learning right here. And unlike television, Howdinis aren’t limited by time—we don’t have to break for commercials, and we’re always on.

Who is Howdini?

People often ask us, is there an actual person who is Howdini? And the answer is, it’s kind of like Lassie. Just as there were many Lassies, there are many individuals who are called Howdini. In fact, each of our experts is a Howdini, and, like all those Lassies, they really know their tricks. (Although so far there is no ‘How to tell your master that Timmy is trapped in the old abandoned mine’ segment)

Our gurus are people you know and trust because you’ve been getting advice from them for years, at places like Good Morning America, The Today Show, Money, Prevention, and Food and Wine (to name just a few). Many are best-selling authors. Others, like our medical experts, are respected leaders in their fields.

Howdini History

The first Howdini was Joanna Breen, who left a comfortable career at ABC’s 20/20 to create a how to video website after one too many frustrating experiences with handymen who weren’t that handy. Joanna had traveled the world reporting with Barbara Walters and others on injustice, outrage, and tragedy, but now it was time to turn her talents to dealing with crises closer to home, like what do you do if you drop your diamond ring down the drain. Joanna is the quintessential can-do girl, so she didn’t find the prospect of launching a gigantic website the least bit daunting. (Ok, that last part isn’t entirely true.)

Joanna convinced an old ABC News buddy, Shelley Lewis, to join her. Shelley had supervised roughly 9.7 million helpful how to segments during a long career executive producing television shows like Good Morning America and CNN’s American Morning. A self-described “info-pig” who loves all kinds of information programming, she is never happier than when she’s learning an amazing new tip that she can annoy share with everyone she knows. Needless to say, Howdini was a dream gig for her. A career woman, a wife, a mother, and author of two books, Shelley considers herself equally challenged by all the facets of her life.

Joanna and Shelley were introduced to marketing executive Alison Provost by a mutual friend who knew that Alison had what they needed - entrepreneurial experience, patience, and a checkbook that still had checks in it. Joanna and Shelley could see right away that Alison should join Howdini. They figured that they would take care of the programming, and Alison would bring trustworthy sponsors to help pay the bills. It took Alison significantly longer to be convinced, maybe because she was crazy busy running a marketing firm called PowerPact, which she continues to oversee while serving as the biggest of big cheeses at Howdini. But whether it’s playing Suduko or launching a new business in a field she knows little about, Alison loves the challenge of a good puzzle, It wasn’t long before she began dropping obscure internet terms like “user-interface” and “googlebot” into casual conversation.

What’s Next for Howdini?

Our goals are modest. Complete and total domination of the internet, crushing Google, Microsoft, and any other punks who get in our way. (Hey, it’s a just a goal.) But until then, we will content ourselves making the best, most professional, most credible how to videos you can find anywhere. We want to help you solve your career issues, your parenting problems, your money troubles. We want you to be more glamorous, healthier, and less stressed out. We want you to check Howdini every day for fun, interesting, useful advice from experts you know and trust.

We want to make Howdini the community you love to be part of every day, To do that, we need to hear from you. Please share your suggestions, rate and comment on the Howdini videos, and the blog, (The Howdini blog). Tell us what you’d like us to create for you.

And then, when we’ve achieved that, it’s back to working on complete and total domination of the internet.

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