my boyfriend won't have sex with me,says he feels pressured

i think my boyfriend has his sexual issues because he's too passive-aggressive to actually fight with me in other ways. also, i think by making sex worse, it's his little way of avoiding his own issues with sex. [prematurity and impotence] - he says "you're too submissive, etc etc" but that wasn't the case when we met. he says "you want it more than me" but again- that wasn't the case when we met. now he doesn't even bother trying to get me of in bed. it's like he's saying to me "just try and forget about sex and maybe i can, too, since it makes me feel so insecure." but screw that. i've been on his ass for two years. this kitten has to play!

I'm want to say that this gets resolved and that we spend our lives together. He is working again. He gets layed off every winter but get rehired. He seems to worry about everything but doesn't tell me till he is overwhelmed. We use to go out more but Now were trying to save for our future. We both want the same thing a marriage a home a family. But I feel like he stresses about it. So we can't discuss those things. I know he has bought a ring and is making payments on it. I've been being cold to him like he has been to me lately and he seems concerned but I haven't tried to talk to him about it because I'm afraid it will turn into an arguement. We are talking, he texts me he loves me and misses me but that's all the effection. I'm afraid to give in and start this circle. He was more open in the begining and now he keeps his emotions to himself. I want to try to fix this I just don't know how to. I would really like to try couples therapy.

I understand what you ladies are going through but I'm having a very hard time with all of this. And I really don't know what to do because I feel this is really starting to effect me. This has been going on for the past year and doesn't seem to be improving. I am 28 years old and he is 30. We both have acknowledge the situation but not really sure we have resolved anything. We started off fine effectionate and sexually active. Know we are lacking in both and I feel it is effecting our relationshiop. I'm worried. He has always had a reason first that roomates were distracting but even though we got our own places the problems continued. Then it was because of being layed off, I'm tired, I don't need it everyday like you......the last comment hurt because I could settle for cuddling...I don't need it everyday and have never been that type of person. But I do enjoy sex and the connection you feel with your loved one. I know he loves me and he says he is attracted to me and wants to. I know he has always worried about satisfying me but I've told him I love making love to him and that he makes me happy. But it doesn't feel like he desires me especially when I'm trying everything in the book even asking him to make love to me which I did this past Saturday (but he was tired and his neck hurt) Its seems so easy for him to say no which I take as rejection and I know I shouldn't but it hurts when you desire someone and don't feel it in return. This creates problems because I'm an emotional person and don't hide them very well. I'm really hurt by this but the initial reaction is anger and agitation but I'm really hurt inside by all of this.
He has talked to his doctor and they say nothing is wrong with him. He told him of a all natural pill like cialis but he wont take it because we don't always have problems. But as long as I let him do it when he wants were fine which is scarce. He has to be in the mood and I have to cross my fingers that he is in the mood. He has gone to a pyschologist which resolved nothing because he didn't like her and he said he was going to find a therapist but has yet to do that. I suggested couples therapy but he didn't seem interested.
I'm worried about us because I don't know what else to do. After this past Saturday I've been cold to him because I don't know what else to do. I'm so sick of feeling rejected and unwanted. We are basically like roomates who sleep in the same bed and say I love you. I do love him and have always loved him with all my heart. But I'm sick of trying to talk about this because we keep repeating eachother and when I get hurt by his no to me he gets mad and we argue. Which does not help the bedroom situation. Basically I feel like he has all the say and power in the bedroom and I'm just there for the ride. I just don't understand how this happened.

i am also with a man that pushes me away too tired ect but tells me all the time how hot other women are.... i have left him but am seeing him again casually. at first sex was better but after a few months same thing.I for the first time in 10 years with this man said no to sex with him last week and now he doesnt want to see me.I think there is something in their head that stops them from wanting us.boredom. perhaps not as in to us as we think.

hi secretaryapril. you have just summed up everything i feel!! however i don't know if suggesting therapy is a good idea at the moment. not only am i scared that it will put more pressure on him,making the situation worse, but we did have sex on sunday morning and it was better. saying that we hadn't seen eachother for a week so it might've been a one off. he did mention going to the doctor a while back but he hasn't been yet. i don't know if he's scared or just doesn't see it as a big deal?
sunday did give me some hope, so i'm thinking if i just back off things might get back on track.....

Hi Ladies,

Thank you for replying, One very important thing you both need to know is that this is not YOU. If you love your men, you will learn to please your needs while he is dealing with his issues.

I think April is doing a great thing by going to counseling since this may be an easier way for him to speak about his issues and/or lack of intimacy. Obviously, in both situations, there are great friendly relationships already established but are they still sexual also?

Both stories seem so familiar although there could be 10 different reasons for the low libido. Illegal drugs, prescription medication, stress, thinking there may be an issue 'down there', etc. are just to name a few.

Communication with your significant other is crucial here. Remember ladies that men want to feel like men, they love their egos. Now when you think about this, men are usually the ones that are begging for sex, right? Now, the role is reversed and he has the headache. When you ask, should I just leave him alone? The answer is no, BUT be mindful of his ego.

Talk, talk, talk....try to get them both communicating and understanding your needs although understanding his needs at the same time. Both men 23 and 32 are very young to possibly have erectile dysfunction problems. Do either one of you suspect drug use at all?

I am also wondering how involved your man is in this situation, Redpuma?
I would think that if his erections were being lost, he would want to find an answer as to why this was happening to him. Medically speaking that is just as April's boyfriend was checked for any issues.

I would love to keep this discussion open as you both try to find out a solution. Would you both mind keeping us updated? This is a common question with us. Good Luck!

Hi anonymous,

This situation would make any woman feel unwanted, so don't think your crazy. After reading your story, one point stuck out to me which was after 5 minutes, he lost his erection. Do you think it may not be you? He may have erectile dysfunction and is ashamed to talk to you about it.

How old is he? Do you suspect cheating? Is he depressed? There are many things that cause low libido in men. What are you noticing different from when you two were having sex?