I apologize ahead of time if this turns into a novel, I just don't know what else to do. I have been married for about 3 years now, and my husband and I have been together for about 4 1/2 years. In the beginning, sex wasn't much of an issue, but his sex drive always seemed to vary a little bit. Sometimes he just didn't care if we did it or not. For the past few years our sex life has been great, or so I'd like to think, in fact, we haven't gone more than a week or so without. However, every so often, he gets into these moods where he doesn't want to have sex and will do almost anything to avoid it, even to the point of telling me sometimes that he doesn't want to do it ever again. He has admitted to having a chemical imbalance, which I'm very understanding of and it explains his mood swings. What it doesn't explain is how he can be laughing and joking around with me and be almost cutesy, but if the subject of sex comes up, he turns into a completely different person and refuses to talk about it. Sometimes his sex drive is very high and we'll do it every day for weeks, then all of a sudden, something snaps in him and he has no interest at all, to the point of avoiding all sexual conversation. I've tried to talk to him about it numerous times. Rarely he'll humor me by answering some of my questions and telling me it's not me, he just sometimes doesn't want to have sex. I've tried for a long time to be understanding, but I guess the last straw was what he did last night. We often enjoy watching porn together and last night, he almost turned it on, then laughed at me and went right to bed. I've felt like a piece of crap ever since. Talking to him about it is not an option. He's acted all day today as if nothing's wrong and I know that bringing it up will only make it worse. What hurts the most is that I know for a fact that he pleases himself to porn when I'm not home, but will a lot of the time avoid sexual contact with me. It really does a number on my self esteem, which has never been very high to begin with. I often wonder if he knows or even cares how damaging this behavior has become to me. The sad part, is that I still love him and want to be with him. The thought of leaving him only to find out he ends up not having this problem with someone else isn't something I can deal with. I feel like a total mess and there's little I can do about it. I see a therapist every two weeks, but it hasn't seemed to help this problem. I also must point out that I have an extremely high libido. I want sex everyday if possible and it's getting very difficult to be rejected like this. Although sometimes he says he wants to swear off sex, he's always come around eventually, but this has become a vicious cycle and I always live with the fear that one day he just might mean it. I occasionally try to initiate it, but 99% of the time when I try to get him going, he pushes me away and says, "What are you doing?" The rejection is so depressing it's starting to make me numb. I can't believe I've gotten used to being in a marriage where I can't come on to my husband without getting rejected. Another thing I should mention is that he is bisexual and I realize that could be part of the issue. Another problem is that he swore I was the person for him before we got married and after we got married he told me that sometimes he gets depressed because he always thought that it should be 3 people in a relationship instead of 2, where everyone in the relationship is sleeping with each other... and not a threesome for just sex, an actual relationship like that. We do have incredible chemistry and get along very well, most of the time. The sex is also incredible, when he is in the mood. I just don't know what else to do. I'm so tired of feeling this way.
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