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Will try to make this brief!
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. We are very much in love. I am 26 he is 32. There is no doubt in my mind that he loves me, wants to be with me, and finds me attractive. However, only 5-6 months into our relationship the sex began to dwindle. At first we were having sex all the time, multiple times in a row every time we saw each other. It was amazing. Our schedules DID become a bit different and difficult. I work a regular Mon-Fri 9-5 job and he works the weekends (nights) Thurs, Fri, and Sat nights.
But I feel that there is always an excuse: he’s too tired, has a headache, it’s late, we are too drunk, he just wants to chill, our schedules are too different, or if we aren’t doing well as a “couple”, he’s in “relax” mode.
I believe that he has some deep routed intimacy issues and I tried to address this. He still uses all these excuses. He “assures me” it’s not me and that he finds me sexually attractive. I DO believe him but he never ever tries to have sex with me.
I can’t be patient anymore. I tried to wait, be patient. But it absolutely BREAKS MY HEART when I “make a move” and he denies me. He’ll move my hand off of him, or just give me one of the millions of excuses. When we DO have sex (but it’s 2 months now) it isn’t the SAME. He usually stops before coming. It makes me feel HORRIBLE. Not good enough. Not sexy.
It’s taken a toll on me in so many ways. He adores me- I know this but when I am denied and when he doesn’t SHOW that he wants me in a physical or sexual way it makes me feel ugly, unattractive, not sexual, and defeated. Not to mention unsatisfied and unfulfilled!
Any insight or HELP with how to deal with this is greatly appreciated. It’s been eating me up inside…
XO
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Im am gong through the same exact thing with my boyfriend we have been together a little over 2 years have a child together . im 23 hes 33 and its always the same thing i feel so worthless im always the one trying to have sex with him kisses him grabbing him touching him im sick of it i told him im leaving him and hes taking it like im joking im so over it i dont know if its his age an hes tired but he has zero sex drive and he dont care wether we have sex or not he thinks im nuts because i get mad that this is constantly an issue i never had this problem before i don't get it!!!!
January 6, 2017 - 6:49pmThis Comment
I'm struggling with this too. It's killing my confidence and making me question his faithfulness/sexual preference etc etc. We had sex once in 2 months and that was the ONE time he initiated it from behind without a kiss. Tonight I asked when we'd make love properly and he could see I was hurt...but now I've shut down too. I'm a grown woman and have been married with children. I understand normal behaviour. This is not helping either of us and yet he won't discuss why he doesn't want to be intimate in a biblical way. He'd cuddle me all night, but I'm a live human flesh and blood woman and I need to have that sexual connection more than once whenever he feels like it. Help :(
February 5, 2017 - 6:20pmThis Comment
Im in a similar situation. Im 43 my boyfriend is 47. His ex was thin and in a band and was a model. Im chunky and every simce weve been together he acts like he doesnt like sex. He doest appear to have problems. He gets hard and lets me go down on him but he acts like sex is not important. Even when we do have it he doesnt get into it. I only get a kiss goodbye in the am and thats usually our intimacy
January 4, 2017 - 12:03pmNo rubbing my back . I have to push him to hold me. I feel so ugly amd unattractive. Weve beem together for a year. When i talk to him about it im a nympho. I,feel u. I dont know what to do
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I'm actually going through a similar situation, I'm 18, he's 24. We've been together for a year now, and I've lived with him for 6 months (it started out as long distance.) When I first moved down and for a couple months, we'd have sex practically every night. But it started dwindling and now I feel like I have to practically beg him. I'm a bit of a nympho, and considering I'm 18, I still have lots of hormones that if not taken care of, I tend to get cranky. Any who, it's always something like "I'm just too tired" or he won't say anything at all. And I'm at wits end. I don't cheat. And I tell him constantly what it is I just want and he won't say anything back which frustrates me to no end. And I'm starting to think it's me even though he says it isn't, but I'm kind of hurt by this....
December 26, 2016 - 9:56pmThis Comment
hi,
iam in a difficult situation iv been with my boyfriend being my baby daddy for 2 n half years and in those years iv always been the one having to initiate making love,he is never in the mood for sex not even kissing or any sexual activity ,iv been patient hoping he will change,iv tried everything,getting dressed up sexy,getting the wine ,talking naughty ,sending nudes but he is not moved a bit,iv spoken to him about it a million times ,he keeps saying he knows he has a problem n he will find help , untill today there is no change ,i dont know if i should leave him or what,but all i know is that im tired of this really
please help
December 8, 2016 - 4:14amThis Comment
Oh boy.......i can relate to this all too well. The feeling of heartache and loneliness is unbearable.
December 5, 2016 - 4:49pmMy thoughts are with you,
You deserve love and joy
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Hello I'm 22 and so is my partner I have 2 kids (not my partners they have same dad but I have no contact with him what so ever) anyway me and my partner have been together over a year and tonight I spoke to him about making love and he calls it just 'sex' now, we used to say 'making love' and do it atleast twice a week, but since he's had this new job he's been there about a month now on 2pm - 10pm shifts, he hasn't been intrested in me what so ever other then bj's and hand jobs.. He don't touch me and it's killing me I told him tonight that I don't even know when I can and can't touch him (hugging kissing or touching him down there) and his reply was that he gives me permission to have 'sex' with someone else... and that i cant bring them back here or get pregnant by them.. who the fuck does he think i am... i told him i dont want to have 'sex' because i just want 'sex' its because i like spending time with him and doing something with just me and him. His reply to that was its because i have kids and he works we dont spend nights as i have got the girls with school but weekends hes not even intrested.. im fuming I'm that upset I can't believe he's said that... I've mentioned if he's met someone else at this new job as it's since he's started there and it's not... I've asked if it's me. And he said its just because he don't want 'sex' he's bored and it feels the same everytime the last time we had it was last week on Friday today is Sunday.. it's really getting me down I've told him it makes me feel like he's not attracted to me in that way and he's just said to think about what he said about sleeping with someone else!!! I don't want to and I never will!! It's really hurt me him saying that....
November 27, 2016 - 2:31pmCan I have some advice please I don't know what to do :(
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I am in a very similar situation. I'm 24.. My boyfriend is 27. We have been together for 2 years now at the beginning of our relationship we had sex all the time. Multiple times a week. Atleast everyday. This past year our sex life has dwindled away. He always rejects me when I try to initiate the sex and it makes me feel so unwanted unattractive and like you mentioned very unfulfilled I've talked with him about it and he yet again assures me it's not me and he's just not in the mood or feels like he won't be able to pleasure me.. It's gotten to the point now where it's making me miserable. I need sex. I love him more then anything but I'm not happy and I'm sick of feeling this way. Might sound a little selfish but is it me? Hes talked to girls behind my back in the past but things from that have gotten so much better with that as far as trust goes.. I feel so discouraged and very self conscious.
November 21, 2016 - 3:04pmThis Comment
Also having this problem..im now on my 5th month with no sex or any intimacy of any kind due to my boyfriends "depression"..the reason im doubting its depression is because in the past when hes been down hes always been willing to do other sexual things with me even if its not full sex..he literally doesnt touch me at all right now+i feel so gross+horrible!i know for a fact he watches porn so him saying hes not got a sex drive seems like lies to me..i really feel like he doesnt find me sexual attractive yet loves me as friend+is getting his sexual needs met by elsewhere. .is this common in mwn+is there anything i can do?
November 6, 2016 - 3:06amThis Comment
I have a similiar issue and I would like to have some advice, I'm 23 and my boyfriend is 27, he never wants to have sex he just wants a hand job that's all. I tried so many times to have sex with him but he just moves away and only wants a hand job.
October 21, 2016 - 4:33amIt makes me feel very angry.. I'm really frustrated now, we have been together for 2years coming now. And in these two years we have had sex around 30 times.
I feel I'm not getting anything, he doesn't even touch me...
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