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Why am i so worried and jealous??

By February 18, 2010 - 6:36am
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I have been with my boyfriend for two years,its my first proper relationship im 22
He loves me loads and has never cheated on me (ive checked up on him loads)
and i adore him, but im constantly worried that he will fall in love with another girl.
He has left his country,his family his job behind and hates living here as he finds it hard to get a job, but he only stays because he couldn't bear to leave me, however, when we go places and i see a beautiful girl nearby, i just know he's going to look and he does, even if he does it a bit discreetly i can still tell.

I hate it when he looks at other girls and when he talks to them and is all friendly with them i panic incase he fancies them or they fancy him.How can I stop being so paranoid?I love him so much.But I get jealous when he gives attention to other women. :( in my ideal world he would just have male friends.whats wrong with me?

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EmpowHER Guest

After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the other ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, lotto, his email is DRAISEDIONSPELLCASTER@OUTLOOK.COM you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other problem like wining lottery.

November 23, 2015 - 12:12am

Hi Kandles,
Please go back and read Diane Porter's comment (above) from Feb, 22, 2010. I think she put it well. Thanks for your comment.

September 30, 2010 - 12:15pm

Hi, I have the same problem at times. I know my boyfriend loves me to no end and would NEVER do anything to hurt me. BUT WHY DOES HE LOOK AT OTHER GIRLS / WOMEN?! He says he loves girls and he loves looking at them and it's his favorite thing to do. I don't understand it. The man can watch porn and not get turned on, but he simply loves watching it just to see the women in it.

I just feel that it's extremely disrespectful! I don't know =\

September 30, 2010 - 12:03pm


Do you ever notice a cute boy? Do you ever find yourself looking at another man and thinking, "What a nice-looking guy!" If a man smiled at you on the bus or at work, wouldn't you smile back?

There's nothing wrong with any of that. And none of it means someone is going to be unfaithful. It means they appreciate a nice-looking person!

But your boyfriend chose YOU, for reasons that mean a lot to him. But you are becoming so needy that it's going to push him away if you don't calm down and get back to being YOU. There isn't anything about being needy that is attractive or fun to be with.

Here's what you must do: You must realize that if you did break up, you would survive. You would be heartbroken, but you would survive. And you must learn to get over this fear and jealousy, because it will only hurt your relationship. It doesn't sound like you are having much fun, considering all the worry and fear and checking-up on him that you have going on.

You can control your thoughts, it just takes practice. When you feel yourself starting to think a jealous thought, stop yourself, take a breath, and move on. You COULD live without him. You don't want to, but you COULD. Your lungs would still breathe. Your heart would still beat. Your arms and legs would still work. You wouldn't be happy for a while, but even that would return in time.

And when you catch yourself in negative thought, change the thought. Say to yourself, "He's with me because he wants to be with me." Because that's the truth.

February 22, 2010 - 10:59am

No my parents are not together anymore, they split up when I was about 16.
I think I am afraid of being left alone and now that i've opened my heart and loved, im afraid of losing him to someone else and having my heart broken.I dont really have great self esteem, I'm not the most beautiful girl in the world but I'm not hideous either, he thinks im beautiful, but i still get annoyed when I see him looking at other girls as I hate that hes paying attention to someone other than me.
I know it's important that I trust and know he loves me.I do, but I still constantly can't get rid of the fears and paranoia I have.As soon as he talks to or about another girl, alarm bells start ringing,its really stupid and pathetic I know but I am being honest.I do think about it alot.I even hate the thought of him being with girls in the past, even though it's the past...how stupid is that? I don't know, just the thought of him looking at a girl like that or being with another girl makes me feel sick.If we ever have our moments where we might split up all i think about is 'now hes free ti go with another woman' and i think about it and it drives me crazy.I dont know why I think like this..am I maybe bordering on obsessed with him rather than just love?
I adore him..i know i couldn't live without him but I think I'm becoming obsessed. I dont know why I am like this. I used to be single and happy and independant and fine but with him its like ive become completely dependant on him, like i am so scared of losing him i hold on tightly.

February 20, 2010 - 5:35pm


This is your first real relationship so I am assuming you have never experienced being cheated on in YOUR relationships but what about those around you? Are your parents still together or was there any infidelity involved?

Many times when those we love have been hurt we turn their experience into our own and we fear that we will someday be hurt like they have. If this is not the case with you-- what are you afraid of? Being left alone? change? If so, I think this requires a deeper level of help than what I can offer you online. What is important is that you have recognized that you are jealous-- which is HUGE. Many people go their lives living in denial about their jealous acts and in order to help yourself, you've taken an important first step.

Has there been anything that your boyfriend has said or done (besides being friendly) that has triggered you to "check up on him"? I know men look at pretty women, it is almost something they can't help-- heck, if I noticed a beautiful woman I am sure my husband has noticed her as well. It is entirely normal and the same can go for women-- you will notice a strikingly handsome man but you don't think about leaving your boyfriend for him, do you? It's just eye candy and nothing more. I am sure your boyfriend can think of many reasons why he is with you and not a single guy on the hunt for pretty girls.

It is easier said than done, but in a relationship it is important to trust. I say this because just as it is frustrating to you to be a jealous person it becomes a burden on your partner. The constant feeling of being with someone who is always taking notes at every glance, step, or word that comes out of your mouth is a very incarcerating and suffocating feeling for someone. Don't let a perfectly good relationship spoil over an insecurity that may be stemmed from nothing.

If you feel like you cannot seem to control the urge to check his phone, email, etc. perhaps seeking professional help would be the best thing both for you and your boyfriend to save your relationship.

February 19, 2010 - 7:22am
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