Sex Therapist and Marriage Counselor Dr. Marty Klein says it's important to share your sexual likes and dislikes with your partner.
Have you ever gone to someone’s home for dinner, and if so, have they ever said to you, “By the way do you have any food allergies? Are you vegetarian? Do you like hot soup or cold soup?” Of course, we have all have this experience and when you go to someone’s home and you find out that they are grilling piece of salmon for dinner, have you ever said how you like your salmon cooked. Of course you have, and when someone is cooking your meal and you tell them how you like it. What do they usually say? They usually say, “Oh! I am glad you told me” and why are they glad that you told them. They are glad because they want you to have a really nice meal experience at their home. It makes perfect sense. In fact, would you want to have dinner at someone’s house if they said, “Look, I do not care what you like. I am going to cook what I want. I am going to prepare the meal that I want. I am going to sit you on whatever chair I want you to sit in and if you do not like that is tough luck.” Would you want to go to somebody’s home for dinner like that? I do not think so.
Well, it is the same thing with sex. The person you are having sex with wants you to have a good time, right? If they do not you have got no business taking off your clothes and you have a much bigger problem. But if the person that you are with wants you to have a good time sexually they want to know, “Do you have any food allergies. How do you like your food cooked. Are you hungry? How much hungry?” So, if we are having sex with somebody who cares about our enjoyment, who cares about our experience. We want to be telling them what we like. Now, you do not need to be a gourmet to explain how you like your hamburger cooked. You say, “Well, I kind of like it more cooked” or you say, “I do not like it when it is runny and red.” You do not need fancy gourmet words to tell somebody how you like your food cooked and you do not need fancy gourmet words to tell your sexual partner how you like to be touched or what activities you want more of or what activities you want less of. You just tell them. You say, “A quarter of inch to the left will be really great there.” Real simple language, what you say to your partner, “You know, I am glad that you like to squeeze my breasts. You know, a little bit less squeezing or squeezing a little slower that would be even better” and you do not want to say, “Look, that is disgusting. Do not do that.” But you do want it give somebody the information. Again, assuming that they care about your experience and if they do not put your clothes back on and beat it, you know.
About Dr. Klein, Ph.D.
Dr. Marty Klein has been a marriage counselor, sex therapist & author for 28 years. He focuses on helping people understand and accept their sexuality, calling attention to the family, religious, cultural, and political issues that keep so many of us feeling guilty, confused, scared, and hopeless about our sexual feelings and relationships.
Dr. Klein is also the host of a sexual health show called Ask Me Anything, which airs on the EmpowHer Network. Dr. Klein is the author of five books, including, "Ask Me Anything: Dr. Klein Answers the Sex Questions You'd Love to Ask."
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