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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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I wish it weren't that way. Isn't there a way to turn things around? I thought he was just getting used to me . . . I'm sure that in the beginning he was excited because i was new and he thought i was hot or whatever. I just wish he'd think i was a little more desirable because I don't feel very sexy. I crave his attention and sometimes i Over do it when it comes to sex . . . i used to even give him oral sex like at least once a day! I just thought that since he's a guy hed like it. But i think i will stop for a while so that hes not used to me trying to have sex with him all the time. maybe then he'll start to miss it. thanks for the honest comments tho.
August 6, 2010 - 3:20pmThis Comment
My boyfriend just recently told me that he sometimes only has sex w me because he thinks i want it. I always initiate it. He says he has a low sex drive . . . I made a video of myself stripping and he barely even watched it. come to find out hes watching porn. guess im not enough for that f****r . . . but iv watched it too just not as much so I guess i cant beat him up about it. it just doesnt make sense that he says he thinks im hot and loves my body and everything . . . he just doesnt ever initiate sex. My idea is to stop initiating completely and after a week or a week and a half without, I'll see just how much he misses it. See if it even phases him . . .
August 5, 2010 - 11:05pmThis Comment
Hi Susan,
Thankyou very much for your advice...
He is very distant all the time. This girl at work is very good looking, and she is constantly texting him asking him for time off with loads of kisses at the end of the message. It makes me feel awful.
He always goes fishing with the same people but i have heard that girls usually turn up a little later and they have a "few drinks" with the boys. Is this something to be concerned about?
Like, im 19 and have completely fallen for him. I thought i wanted him to father my children! Thats a massive step.
I dont know, i just want out, but i dont want to admit defeat to my parents by going home... and where else would i live?
I also have a puppy that cost me a grand and i dont want to lose her!
I just wish i had the confidence to tell him im not happy and that i want things to change. x
August 5, 2010 - 10:06amThis Comment
If you are not happy, there just is not going to be a good time to tell him. It is difficult to "admit defeat" as you say, but can you look at it from another perspective? Relationships are not about winning or losing. Relationships are about learning and loving, changing and growing. You learned and loved, and how you have grown up and changed, and realized this is not the person for you. That is really great, as so many people are not strong enough to even admit this. It is hard, but you can do it. Your life can absolutely change..for the better, and the scariest part of change is the unknown. What if there is an even BETTER person out there for you, better living situation, better life?!
You deserve a happy and healthy relationship, and can have this. There are many people who do not secretly text other women, who care about their girlfriend's feelings, and is not distant. There are very caring men who are honest, trustworthy, fun, cute, adventurous, faithful, happy and also want a healthy mutual relationship filled with joy and love.
Your parents, I assume, would be happy that YOU are happy, regardless if that means this man is in your life or not. I assume your parents may have dated before they married each other, and had to go through breakups as well. Think about people who go through an entire engagement, wedding, marriage...and then get divorced. That is so hard, because you are a part of a family, and these individuals feel they have to "admit defeat" and publicly admit that their relationship did not turn out the way they wanted. That is the risk in relationships; there is no guarantee that relationships will work, but it is also part of the love and faith that you must have in yourself and others.
Are you in school or working? Do you have friends you can move in with temporarily, or stay with your parents until you can find another place to live? Is your boyfriend paying for your rent, etc? Do you have your own money?
August 8, 2010 - 8:17pmThis Comment
I'm in the same boat me and my partner have been together for a very long time and also have two beautiful kids together but 3 months ago we were having sex 2 time a month and now we have not had sex this month at all and I ask him what is wrong and all the questions under the sun but he said he just dont feel like it, now I have no choice to give up and let go I guess don't know what to do...
August 5, 2010 - 5:15amThis Comment
I would think that he is cheating, unless he makes time for you and everything else is the same! only because about 6 months ago my x cheated on me and then he raped my 14 year old cousin and my cousin is a boy. i was with him for almost 5 years. So once he has girls numbers on his phone, not home much and he dose not say that I love you or want to hang out or when he turns you down all the time and if he dose not make eye contact. and if its something else and he has not tolled you he's really not worth it. i'm not saying what he is doing is the exactly the same but He is deff. doing somthing
August 4, 2010 - 5:53pmThis Comment
hey ladies/girls. A guy here, only 16 but quite a bit of experience lol. Guys around 14-40 are generally always horny and will always find excuses to watch porn or wank but they dont always want sex. Im sure that many of u are very attractive females and this is why you dont know why he would refuse u sex. Trying to seduce him wont work in every case as different men like different things. So try that by undoing a few extra buttons on ur blouse, ”forgetting” to wear a bra with that tight top so that he can see your nipples Etc. But some men will not fall for this. As a guy, i must say that not many things in life are better than getting a blowjob and so this maybe the only u will get sex from him. So try starting with this, then if u please him alot, he will want to please u :) GOOD LUCK sexy ladies! Go and have some fun!
August 4, 2010 - 4:50pmThis Comment
Will someone please help me. Im 19 and my boyfriend is 10 years older. I moved out at 18 and the sex was amazing... we had it every day.
Now even when I dress sexy for him, he walks past me and tells me to stop being immature. I try my hardest to please him and he shows no interest and im feeling really low. We have sex once a month. Im sick of being treated like a child. I know I am young but im not stupid. Going "fishing" every weekend is starting to make me paranoid. He has also hired a really good looking girl at work.
I just dont know what to do. He tells me he loves me every day, but he wont show it. HELP!
August 4, 2010 - 10:45amThis Comment
My boyfriend moved in with me 13 months ago and we have since have had TWICE both times at my urging. He takes antidepressants, but even viagra doesn't help. I am wondering if he is gay. HE wanted to move in, he wants to marry me (he is 48 never been married- has always lived alone) But sex and everything intimate is out of the question with him. He keeps saying he will work on it. I want to ask him to move out-his family will be so upset - so will he. But sleeping with a man who refuses to touch me is screwing with my sanity
July 30, 2010 - 5:25amThis Comment
I have almost exact the same situation. our relationship is only 1 and half year old. for about more than half a year, our sex frequency has decline. i could say we only have sex once in a month or once in two months. last time we have "sex" was at my house. I did oral sex for him,and he eject inside my mouse in just 2 minutes. he didn't want to have sex as much as we just started our relationship. he always eject in couple minutes for a good excuse: we haven't have sex for so long, sorry honey I can't last long. Is that an excuse that you will give your girlfriend? He is only 23 years old. can't you imagine he doesn't want sex at this age? or he is just tired of me? or I am not attractive as I used to be? I am sure he did not cheat on me, but he did insist many times that he needs more free time for himself. I don't understand this guy at all. he seems very nice to me at most of the time, but is that he doesn't love me any more?
July 24, 2010 - 10:39amThis Comment