Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

so it's me again
i wrote the last two comments.
so i wrote a letter i will read to my boyfriend tomorrow and i am going to post t here for you to read

Ok listen Duane like really listen because what im about to say is really important to me and I want you to remember that I love you and we can work passed anything OK and that we are adults and that’s why we are able to talk about this like adults. So here it goes…….. you know how our sex life has been lacking lately?……well we need to fix this because I cant handle it anymore….now listen to me closely because I want to make sure I say this the right way because if I do it wrong it could make the situation worse,,,, because guys are just weird in that way. I am not getting enough sex and we need to fix that OK and the way we do that is to find out why im not getting enough or why I want it too much!!! So I will let you know why I want it so much and then you can let me know why you don’t want it ok so here it goes

REASONS WHY I WANT SEX TOO MUCH

You don’t cuddle me
You don’t kiss me
You don’t want to spend time with me (and you being on the computer with me in the same room as me, doesn’t count)
You don’t want to go out with me
You don’t tell me I’m pretty

All of these are reasons why I want to have sex so much, it’s because that’s all we do together and if you were to fuck me once a day then I would be ok with the other things you are lacking. So when I don’t get it I feel like there is no relationship.

So here are

REASONS WHY YOU DON’T WANT SEX THAT MUCH

It could be stress
It could be that you are cheating
It could be that you are not attracted to me anymore
It could be your age
It could be lack of hormones
It could be that you jack of to much
It could be that you don’t think you can satisfy me

Or it could be a few of these things

So what do you think it is…..

Where I come from, it is my duty to cook, clean, work, and take care of you and my son. But in return it is your duty to satisfy me in bed. For fuck sake’s it’s not like pulling teeth, it is SEX, you should want it more then me, you’re a man.

If I were to stop doing my duties as a woman for any of the reason I gave you, then you would leave me. So lets get to the bottom of this and fix it OK.

so that was me who just wrote the last comment.....he is the next one......i wouldnt acually leave him because of the lack of sex, i was just venting. But i would leave him for lack of everything else for example: he does not kiss me, cuddle me, or even want to do anything with me. we dont go out anymore, not even for dinner once in a while. he always says hes tierd but he has enough energy to work an his car or goes to his friends house. he comes up with every excuse in the book and one time all at once, i said i want to have sex it's been to days, and this was his response "im tierd" and i said "but you had a three hour nap?" then he said "waht do you think i am a piece of meat" and i said no but i have needs" and he said im not feeling well, then said we will later and then said he just ate, and i said listen your clearly lying becase you just came up with like 5 reasons, so witch one is it? im a pretty simple girl and dont ask for much, for instance all those other things he doesnt do is fine with me as long as i get fucked at the end of the night but when i dont, all of a sudden all of those other things start to piss me off.

Well this is how it is, i am 24 and my boyfriend is 35. we use to have sex like 2-3 times a day then it went to 1 and even that pissed me off, but then we would skip days and i felt really mad because i felt i was settling for once a day so none a day was pushing it. so here i am and it is day three, he is sleeping so there is no hope so it will be four days and no sex. i know guys are wierd and don't want to have sex for many reasons but at this point i dont even care, it is either you give it to me when i want it or i wont put up with it for very long before i leave. so if you want to be in a relationship with me you find out what the problem is and fix it and in the mean time give me what i want when i want it because it is your duty as a man. my duty as a woman is to cook, clean, work, and take care of him and my son...... and do you think i get to slack off those jobs because im stressed or tierd or have a medical problem......i dont think so because then he would leave.........so like i said if he doesnt give it to me when i want it, i will not stick around for long and if he does it just to please me and not because he wants to then he better start pretending......or i will find a man who can be a REAL man, and you know it really sux because i love him and it would be nice to be with him but i do not cheat so my only option is to move on.

hello all,
i am a 20 yr old college student in San Francisco. i love my boyfriend, we have been together for a year but we began having sex 3 years ago. i love having sex i want it all the time. my bf seemed to enjoy it but slowly he has been telling me he's too tired, that sex isn't all he wants, etc. but okay, he'll watch porn while i'm at school. i have a busy schedule and still take my time out of my day to cuddle and want to have sex. he is the only guy i want to have sex with. we have done roll play, watched porn to iniciate our own thing, used sex toys, etc. i'm down for whatever. could it be he is cheating on me? am i not attractive to him? OR is it possible he feels i only want him for sex? well he's not very romantic so i guess i could say (this sounds so wrong, but i'm being honesty) his sex is what makes me happy.. other than being by his side...take into account he is super attractive, and i feel i am not, but why would he stick around if he has found something better?

It's been awhile since I've been in a committed relationship, so this is just the opinion of someone not dealing with what you're going through. Most of the posts I've read have talked about how you don't understand why he doesn't want to sleep with you and why doesn't he seem interested anymore. I've read about low self esteem because of it, and one of the posts talks about how he holds out on sex if she does or says or behaves in a way he doesn't like. That last one is a control thing out and out. Sex is an important part of every relationship, it's not everything, but it's just like when emotion is missing. You can tell. You feel the loss. If it's that he isn't attracted to you anymore, that's not YOUR fault. That's his. If it's that he's cheating on you, again, not YOUR fault HIS. It's my opinion that you should all sit down and discuss the situation with your partner and see what's going on with them. Let them know that if they can't or won't give you an answer maybe it's time to take a break and see other people. Everyone has a right to feel safe, secure, loved, and wanted in their relationships. It's how it's suppose to be. If they are with holding those feelings from you for any reason, with no explanation, then you have a right to go out and find those things for yourself. DON'T CHEAT though. That won't help. Give him the chance to explain himself. Let him know in no uncertain terms how he, or she for that matter, is making you feel. Let him know that if he isn't happy in the realtionship either, then maybe it's time you move on. I think that too often, we get comfortable. Even in a relationship that isn't good for us, it's too easy to fall into believing that staying is the only way or the best way. But it's not. If you aren't getting what you need, and not just sexually but emotionally, spiritually whatever and they aren't willing to help you figure out the problem, then maybe it's time to move on. It won't be an easy decision to make especially if you love them. But if you want a life where you don't have to question every day whether they love you or want you, then maybe it's time to find someone who will tell you every day how much you mean to them, will show you every day how much they want you. Seems like a fairy tale, but it does happen and can be how it goes, you just have to find the right one for you. Just an opinion, but I hope it helps. :)

It's like i'm reading my whole life when I read these comments. My BF and I have been together for 6 years, and through all of this he has been in the military so some of our time was spent in a long distance relationship as I recently got out. We currently live together and have for almost two years. He recently got stationed at a new duty station and has been working extra hours which is his excue for our non existent sex life. In my opinion this is no freaking excuse because this has been the case since before he got this job. Currently we haven't had sex for over 2 months, and when we do have sex, most of the time it's all about him and I don't usually initiate it because i'm too embarrassed at this point which sounds stupid I know but due to our low sex life and my now losw self esteem i'm too embarrassed to try any seductive techniques, as if they would work anyway. I love him and I had my hopes of marriage, which he talks about but lately i'm starting to feel myself fall out of love with him. He say's be patient, work will slow down and things will improve, and I know that he's making excuses. He masturbates to porn all the time, I caught him once, and this was during one of our sexual dry spells. So WTF? You can deny me sex in our relationship, i've even offered to watch porn with you to try and entice you but NOOOOOOOOOOO so you wait until I go to work and you turn on the porn, that's not fair to me.

I've been with my g/f for 7 months now...we used to have a lot of sex. Now we haven't in a few weeks...but A LOT has changed for me. I went from smoking weed everyday all day to not at all...my diet is messed, my sleeping pattern is messed, i've been depressed and jobless for a while, i'm paranoid that my health may be in jeopardy, etc...i LOVE my girlfriend though, nothing makes me happier than to cuddle with her and fall asleep. I'm still very much attracted to her...but I think the real problem is men need to be confident in themselves 100% and not have any doubts in their life...i'm kinda scared as to why i'm not as horny anymore, hell, i hardly masturbate...i thought it was a sign of growing up, cause i've had A LOT of sex since i was 15-16 years old...i'm now 20...anyone else have any input?

I have the same problem. I am in my 20's and my boyfriend of 2 yrs is in his 40s. When we first met, we were having it all the time. It went from being almost every day to maybe 2 times a week. Now 2 weeks will go by and he doesn't care. I am always the one wanting it now a days. he will tell me he is not in the mood or his knees hurt. Some excuse. The funny thing is I am the one working while he is at home not working. I try and ask him what the problem is but he doesnt want to talk about it. Could it be a midlife crisis?? I try and do everything to make him think I'm sexy. I put on 30 lbs after having my daughter a yr ago. I don't know if that is an issue. I am so confused and don't have anyone to talk to about this.

Hi Anonymous,
Thank you for your response. Relationships over time tend to get comfortable and maybe one in the relationship does not feel as if they need to entertain the other partner. May I ask, do you have any concern that he may be addicted to pornography? Sometimes when men are more interested in sex by themselves, there may be an issue with possible disconnect from reality and may send him into the bathroom ‘per say’.