Improved
6112 HealthChanged
3786 LivesSaved
3568 Lives0 lives impacted in the last 24 hrs Learn More
We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.
Add a Comment1230 Comments
I hardly get to spend time with my boyfriend and we see each other and spend time together on weekends and we still do not have sex very often. I am lucky to get it once a month. I know he must be cheating on my , or dont find me attractive anymore and he would rather spank it than look at me and my ugly body. I still have a little belly from our daughter five yrs ago and love handles. Maybe if I get liposuction and tummy tuck he might want to look at me again. I cant even change in the same room as him. I have to go in the bathroom to get dressed or wait till he turns the lights out to get changed. I do not feel comfortable getting naked around him until I get lipo and skinny again. Why are guys like that? I still love him and he does not have a six pack and have a perfect body either.
October 1, 2010 - 12:34amThis Comment
Okay, this is hellobeautiful again lol. I have been with one of my close friends for the weekend, got the new panties, AND he even seen me take the tags off. I came home and he blew up thinking im cheating. So now its no sex, not even oral, and he thinks im cheating... What in the world :(
September 29, 2010 - 8:31amThis Comment
Wow. I read through all these posts last night and I feel like you all know exactly what I'm going through. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now, and recently, say in the past month, the sex has decreased substantially. We used to have sex at least once a day, now I'm lucky if we do it on the weekends. I am 19...ONLY 19. This is not supposed to be happening. I know sex is not everything, but it is a large part of a relationship having that sexual attraction. I try talking to him, and he doesn't know what's wrong. I cry myself to sleep every night wondering what I did wrong. I stand in front of the mirror naked wondering what he doesn't like anymore. I admit I put on 5 lbs in the last year, but a lot of people say I look better this way and most of the time i agree! But i am not so sure anymore. What could POSSIBLY be wrong with a 20 year old guy, who is supposed to be at his sexual peak?? At this point, i am almost sure it is me. I don't want to bother him about it anymore because I still love him and want him, but my self esteem is at the lowest it has EVER been. I need to figure out if all this is worth it, because if he doesn't want me anymore there are plenty of guys out there who do...im in COLLEGE. ughhhhh help me!
September 29, 2010 - 7:13amThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
September 29, 2010 - 12:16pmThis it a tough one, I know. You're in college, and you're right, there are a lot of guys out there who I'm sure are perfectly attracted to you how you are. Sex isn't everything, like you said, but it is important, and when it's not working for you, there is an obvious disconnect in the relationship.
If you have tried to talk with your boyfriend, and he's not being receptive and open, then you may want to sit with yourself a while and decide how truly invested in this relationship he is, and what it is you really are in love with. Is it him, or the idea of him? You're also right, that it's not common for a 20 yr old guy to not want to have sex often. When you decide what you need to do, stick to your guns. I guarantee (from personal experience) that one of two things will happen: 1)he will come crawling back and want to be with you, or 2) you will meet an even better guy or guys. Regardless of which way the pendulum sways, try and have the time of your life in college--be safe (study hard), keep your eyes open, and I believe the opportunities should become clear to you.
Hope this helps,
-Christine
This Comment
He could be seeing someone else and sleeping with them OR he could have a STD and not want to tell you. Or, he could have cheated at some point and not be sure of the other person's sexual health. The thing is you will have to confront him to get to the bottom of it for your emotional and physical health.
September 28, 2010 - 3:06pmThis Comment
My bf and I had a similar problem after we had been dating for just over a year. He never wanted to have sex with me and it made me feel like there was something wrong with me. We talked about it and turned out he was really down and going through some tough times, we worked through it together which made us closer and where back to having sex all the time. My best advice would be to talk to your partner and try and find out the reason behind why his sex drive has decreased.
September 28, 2010 - 1:59amThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
September 28, 2010 - 12:34pmIt is completely natural for relationships to go through a natural ebb and flow, even without outside stressors coming into play. Glad you were able to discuss the issue with your boyfriend and get to the bottom of it in a positive manner. The closeness you've gained I'm sure was worth the effort.
This Comment
Hi Anonymous,
September 28, 2010 - 12:32pmGlad you were able to discuss the issue with your boyfriend and get to the bottom of it in a positive manner. The closeness you've gained I'm sure was worth the effort.
This Comment
guys get bored of the same girl we're naturally driven to have sex with multiple partners in order to spread our seed. this isn't us being bad people, its just how we are, if a man is normal and healthy he will go through periods of wanting relationships and periods of wanting to have sex with different girls. if you haven't transformed into a cave troll then its probably an issue of him getting bored or having some kind of competency issue. In either case, unless he doesn't like you anymore, its probably not your fault that he won't have sex with you so find out whats wrong with him or take a break and have sex with other people.
September 27, 2010 - 8:13pmThis Comment
Confront him about it, if it's that much of a worry to you. There's nothing better than sitting down your partner and talking through things rather than leaving it to build up into an argument. Ignore all that cheating and nutrition stuff. Keep it simple, otherwise you'll get more confused than what you already are. Also don't let anyone talk you into anything to attempt to solve this problem because that's not coming from you, boyfriend worries/issues should be thought with your mind, and spoke with your mouth and told him, don't pass the message through anyone else either :P
hope it works out!
September 27, 2010 - 4:34pmThis Comment