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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Add a Comment1230 Comments
Hi dreamygirl,
October 4, 2010 - 1:50pmHave you asked your boyfriend? That would be the quickest way to find out. If you are having sexual compatibility issues with him, you need to discuss that with him, or find other ways to be intimate until his backaches are better. Otherwise, you can decide that you need to date other people.
Good luck, and be your own best advocate. You deserve to be happy in your relationship.
-Christine
This Comment
Just because a guy doesnt want to have sex doesnt mean he is cheating.Thats a load of non-sense. You cant paint them all with the same brush. Obviously there are things happening in his life that makes him lose temporary interest. The male ego is very much the driving force behind sexual fantasy and ideas and also sexual frustration. If he is having money problems or work issues or going through some sort of personal grief this can be a major problem and can affect his libido and his self esteem. Depression is usually the killer of this. There are many answers as to why a man doesnt want to have sex and jumping to conclusions only makes it worse Talking to him is one option and asking him straight out and then talk some more. Does he have any addiction problems or erectile.It sounds to me the problem is an underlying one and the sex is the mask it is showing.Dig deep the answer is there. Good Luck! :)
Oh by the way, men do have feelings too and can have emotional problems aswell. I know I am one and have been there so I know what I am talking about!!
October 4, 2010 - 7:49amThis Comment
Ive just gotten out of a 7 year relationship in which the last couple of years that was the case. the one thing i have learnt now that i've moved on and am with someone else, is that men are VERY visual creatures if you are confident then they find that very sexy and if you look good that also turns them on massively. Perhaps try dressing up for him and taking charge when he come home from school/work have him find you all dressed up, (stockings, lace, ect) sitting on the couch just reading a book/watching telly. If this works then you know he is still attracted to you and its not you and you also will find that he is bored and just needs some more variety and excitement xx hope this helps xx
October 4, 2010 - 1:37amThis Comment
try to make him laughs , like kidding with him make jokes , and go for camping , also change your way of wearing clothes may be that's a problem ...also make planing for your dating , like going to concerts , or watching a movie , playing guitar or smth lik that , and wish to you good look ......your X friend hamza
October 1, 2010 - 10:04amThis Comment
I do not wear clothes that are tight to show my fat roll or love handles. I am VERY self concious about my weight and how I look. He NEVER pays any compliment to me ever. My self-esteem is sooo low I have no sex appeal any longer. I am tired of guys making me feel this way. I should just give up on relationships and stay single. What do you think?
October 1, 2010 - 11:49amThis Comment
In my effort and exuberance to be a good cheerleader for you, I realized I may have overlooked a possible medical problem. So I wanted to say, that if you think you need help dealing with your self-esteem, or how self-conscious you are, you can talk with your doctor. They are there to help (and diagnose) you. They can determine if medication or other type of therapy may be beneficial to help give you the support (in addition to support you can get from EmpowHER or friends and family, etc.) to help you through this and get on the right path to a brighter future.
October 4, 2010 - 5:52pmHope that makes sense.
Warmest regards,
Christine
This Comment
Hi princess31,
October 4, 2010 - 2:38pmThank you for your comment and for being a part of the EmpowHER community. I'm glad you are here, this site is for you. Are you ready to take control of your weight, and self-esteem? You are your own worst critic, and if you lack self-confidence, you can take control and work to improve those things for yourself. Have you tried therapy, or support groups? We have groups for Diet and Depression here at EmpowHER. There also are great articles about everything from healthy eating and exercise, to coping with depression and stress. We also have relationship articles.
A person cannot make you feel anything, it is you who makes a decision how to take in information from other people. Project self-confidence, and you may notice a different experience in the world. Some say, "fake it 'til you make it," you can feel better about yourself, but it all comes down to you.
Ask yourself what are you doing to help yourself? I have dealt with similar issues, and have said to myself, "It's ok to feel bad today, but tomorrow, I will attack that problem with everything I've got." If you want a compliment, be with someone who loves you for you. If you want to feel good, work on yourself until you are comfortable in your own skin, and then work it, girl! Don't be a victim, be EmpowHERed. Be your own best advocate. We are here to inspire and support you. You can do it. Let us know how we can help. What speaks to you, what inspires you? Take that step, then another, and then another...keep on moving forward. I know it's not easy. Hope this helps.
Good luck and let us know how you are.
-Christine
This Comment
Is it common for a 33 yr old guy to not want to have sex anymore? Is that their second peak or is it later in life. womens is 35 i think. I am only 31 going on 32. I look like im 23yrs old. I am young looking for my age. I am 5'5" and 172 lbs. I am 26 lbs. over weight. Does everyone think that is the problem with him and why he does not want to have sex? I see him looking at skinny girls every time they walk past. I am not stupid. I wish I can be skinny like that again. I am sooooo depressed and I have NO self-esteem what-so-ever because of him not wanting me anymore sexually.
October 1, 2010 - 12:47amThis Comment
I feel like im in the same boat as everyone else. My boyfriend and I have not had sex in a while and I don't know if he is cheating on me or not. I have gained a few pounds and I feel like he is not attracted to me anymore. But he does kiss me goodnight almost everynight and he kisses me goodbye every day he leaves for work. So I do not want to keep asking him for sex or begging in other words. I just feel depressed all the time because of it. We have been together for 6 yrs and we have a 5 yr old daughter together. I do not know what to do. Anyone?
October 1, 2010 - 12:24amThis Comment
Ive read a couple of these comments and the one about asking him if he's gay thats funny as hell probably will work two, so as im reading these i just dont understand how a guy (GUY)could not want sex, My girlfriend i have sex atleast 4 times a week and thats because we only get to see eachother on weekends right now, i think if the reliationship is good meaning both sides feel the same about the other and your both sexy as hell ...well then why arent you banging ha
September 30, 2010 - 12:02pmThis Comment