Improved
6112 HealthChanged
3786 LivesSaved
3568 Lives0 lives impacted in the last 24 hrs Learn More
We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
All user-generated information on this site is the opinion of its author only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. Members and guests are responsible for their own posts and the potential consequences of those posts detailed in our Terms of Service.
Add a Comment1230 Comments
In response to you its sounds like he is just comfortable in your relationship and does not feel the need to sweep you off your feet or even please you sexually unless he feels the urge for it himself. Men are like grown boys and they go from there small toys to big ones. Between the internet, playstation, Xbox, cars, etc. They get so involved in there games, hobbies that they dont realize you still need attention or affection. Talk to him with respect and love and tell him women are different then men and need some attention and effection here and there or they do become vulnurable and not that you would cheat on him but becoming vulnerable as a woman is definetly a warning sign and your man should not take this as a threat but as a cry for help and understanding, sacrificing, love, affection, reaching out, etc. Treat your partner the way you would want to be treated I would also add and if he is not interested in sex and you are then, he should at least go down on you, use his fingers, etc to please you. Words are just words until followed with action. A woman can hear "I love you" but if she is not seeing the action then she won't believe he loves her. A man can say he wants to marry you or is thinking about it but if all he does is say this and never backs it up with a ring or any action then it is simply empty words and usually just saying what he believes you want to hear. Men sometimes say they love you or want to marry you to passify the woman especially if there is no sex, it is used to get you off there back from complaining about the lask of sex. Tell him if he wants to marry you and does love you to stop with words and show you. I think your guy is definitly not cheating on you but forgot how to keep you interested in him and the relationship. He better work on this or he will lose you and later regret it. He needs to arrange during the days he is home with you a certain amount of time to just socialize with you and do other things in the bedroom, then he can play his Xbox and be man and have his space without you nagging him, complaining of how your needs aren't meant. You will feel satisfied, loved and most of all you feel that he cares about your feelings, needs, wants. Him telling you he wants to marry will be more believable and there will be more confidence in your relationship and within you and him. Relationships are a job and it takes two to make it work. If one is only trying then it wont work. Remember that so that you don't keep driving yourself crazy. If there is no action (and give it sometime, things dont happen overnight) but if after a while still the same bs then move on, except that you did all you could and that it is not your lose but his. If you state your leaving follow through with it, if he really loves you he will chase you down and win you back. If he does nothing and lets you go and never tries to win you back then you are better off without him and now have made yourself available for a man who will give you what your heart desires and one day you will be happy. Don't fight what you cant control. It is what it is. You can't change him he can only do this but you can change you.
September 12, 2010 - 7:45amThis Comment
It is important to communicate your concerns with your boyfriend. Then, it is extremely important for him to respond to your concerns. I understand the "technology time warp", as many people have this problem too...once you get on the computer or video game, it seems as though you have only been playing for an hour or two....and in actuality it has been 6 hours and you are exhausted!
If he is up until 5:30am playing video games, how is he the next day? Does he have to go to work? Is his video game playing habitual every-night, or does he only have certain times that he allows himself to play? If his video game playing is effecting his relationships and other areas of his life, you may need to have a frank discussion with him. Can you try observing his behavior for a few weeks, and take notes about how much he is on the computer, how his mood/attitude is the next day (and, hopefully, you can take note of the nights he actually gets sleep, and his mood may be improved the next day, as in he may be more patient with co-workers or complain less about work?).
He may be trying to avoid conflict, or find video-gaming stress-relieving. Of course it is---there are conflicts that are easy to solve with the push of a button, no real people to talk to that are more complicated and have needs. Is he meeting your other relationship needs?
Basically, in a relationship, both people need to have time to themselves where they can do activities that are not involving the other person. Equally, it is important for both people in the relationship to spend quality time together having fun, and also helping to improve the relationship. I am curious how he feels in the relationship, if he is an equal participant (helps around the house, spends time with you, by himself and with his friends?)
September 12, 2010 - 6:16amThis Comment
If you nag or rag your man to death also this will turn him off. So be careful to not do this. Dont yell or show anger that will not work also. Be a lady act mature and speak to your man out of love. Ladies don't get so jealous that he is watching a porn instead of fucking you. Do something about and start to act like a porn star for him. Maybe video tape your sex session, you know suggest it. "Lets make our own porn babe." You got to be smart and trick your man into what you want." Were very clever creatures and a mans worse tempation is a woman. Use your power dont waste it. Okay I am for sure done now. I can not think of any other idea's. So now I promise I'm done. Three entries, hope they help?
September 12, 2010 - 3:18amThis Comment
I want to add one more thing as I just posted the paragraph above. Sometimes men get tired of being the initiater and would like for there woman to be aggressive. Seduce your man, strip dance for him, think of new things to get is attention. Drop to your knees and take control of it and enjoy pleasing him, that will turn him on. Or role play, or strap him down and tease him. If your not kinky get kinky, if your not aggressive get aggressive, if your not one for dancing naked learn how too. Give a massage to him and seduce him in the process. Have sex outside or in a different room or think of new positons or take him to a strip joint and then get him home afterwards and fuck the shit out of him. Who cares if he is fantasying of another girl they just saw naked, they are screwing you. Maybe walk around the house in your panties and teeshirt with no bra on or clean the house this way in front of him. Or get your bullet out and masterbate in front of him, that may work also. Dont blame yourself as it is his choice not take advantage of what he's got. One mans trash is another mans treasure and there are plenty men out there that wish they had a woman who wanted sex allot and would put out when asked. Love yourself and know you deserve to be loved and satisfied.
September 12, 2010 - 3:03amThis Comment
My oppinion is that if two people really love one another that they can communicate and find a solutions. Men are different then women and when they have financial difficulties and feel as though they are slacking in there man hood and what is expected of them as the man. It mentally blocks there capability to focus on sex. Sometimes they will turn to porn instead of having sex with there woman because there is no expectation there to fullfill there mate just thenselves and mentally that is all they can do. Men can be disattached emotionally from understanding a woman's needs for sex and love and they don't mean to neglect there woman or make her feel rejected or alone but just quite don't get it. That is why communicating is important. Do not point fingers or threaten to cheat but explain how you are feeling and state posative comments such as "I love you and only you and want for us to fix whatever is causing us to disattach sexually." " You satisfy sexually and I miss your touch, we can work it out cause we love one another and have been through many difficulties and changes." Boost your mans selfesteeem, make him feel he is still the man and in charge of making the decision to have sex with you but really your manipulating him into putting out and giving you want you want and need and should get without having to fight for it. If communicationg does not work and he still has excuses, then I would expect he is interested in someone else or is cheating or is thinking about cheating. It is not common for a man to turn away sex, lets face it they are dogs. So when they don't put out for a long time something is up and believe me a woman will find out and get to the bottome of it. Don't cheat on him this will only bring more problems in your life and you will feel horrible later and regret it. You only hurt yourself or worse get stuck in a love triangle and from expierence its hell!
September 12, 2010 - 2:45amThis Comment
Hi Anonymous,
Thank you so much for the man's point of view on this subject. It is great to have both ends of the spectrum when it comes to our sexual lives. We, as women, tend to think we do everything right (and when men comes to grips with this scenario) everything will be okay. :-)
Good point on women being more creative and suggestive in the bedroom. I think we, as women, forget about these points sometimes. Thanks for sharing your suggestions.
September 11, 2010 - 9:13amThis Comment
hello Miss Kitty
im a guy and i can tell you why these sort of things happen so often. the man or woman may feel very poor about the bedroom performance, sex may be to boring leading to sexual turn offs. he/she might to damn lazy in the bedroom. for most men they want a lady that more vocal during sex. ladies might want a guy thats well hung and can go long periods of time. most woman think the guy is suppose bring all the action and get upset if the guy is having problems doing so. same goes for guys too.
but for me!
as a guy i dont like having to be the one that has to jump start for the sex session all the time. and for a long time i was.i also dont like lazy girls ladies being lazy is not sexy. and keeping your man excited about your WET SPOT matters alot so dont be afraid to demand your mans Johnson when you want it.
i also DONT like sex with my girl is because
she bleeds every time we have sex and i mean EVERY TIME.
i've been with women before her and none of them never bleed.
i'm to the point where i dont even want any sex from her
miss kitty
September 11, 2010 - 3:06amwhen u have your guy alone just take your mans dong and pull it out and start playing with it. it will be hard for him to say no once you have him excited for sex
This Comment
maybe he's gay
September 10, 2010 - 8:20pmThis Comment
He could be on opiates.
September 10, 2010 - 7:20amThis Comment
hey ladies/girls. A guy here, only 16 but quite a bit of experience lol.
September 4, 2010 - 2:50amif you are not happy with what you are getting, you must tell him and you can talk about it. if he doesnt want to talk about it, i say dump him. hes not worthit if he cant fulfil your needs :)
This Comment