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Best Responses From Men: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?

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Hundreds of women have shared details about their emotionally-strained and sex-starved relationships, and guess who answered.....men!

We compiled a list of "best responses" from men, hoping to shed some light on this difficult subject. Relationships are all unique, and we hope women use these responses as a guide when talking with their significant other.

Men Are Not Sex Objects:

  • Men have different emotions, too, and to put them in a narrow box, assuming they always want sex, or should always be easily excitable, is not fair. Men are not sex objects, just like women are not.
  • I find my girl attractive, we get along, but sometimes I just don't feel like having sex.
  • Sometimes us men just don't know what we should do. So now we both lay in bed and hope the other does something. This can go on for weeks. When we do have sex, I last three minutes when I used to last longer. Well, that just made things worse, and then I was afraid of doing it again. I know we should have more sex, but we put ourselves in this rut where it made us both unapproachable to each other.
  • I wish I could make it better so she is happier about herself and us. I don't cheat—that is way too much work to pull off on the side! Yes, many guys do, but as far as I know they are still having sex with their girlfriends.

Communication Downers:

  • If my girlfriend is insulting, critical...it kills the trust and makes sex feel hypocritical.
  • I am probably also sensitive in the fact that I never want to have sex if we have had a fight or even when there is lingering crap. To me I want it fixed between us before we get busy.
  • Believe it or not, I hate that we don't ever really talk about it. She just will complain or make snide comments (which does not help). I don't want to force myself to have sex (sounds weird coming from a guy).


  • I know it sounds absurd, but I am afraid of her getting pregnant even though we use protection.
  • Too many rules that I can not possibly live up to (in and outside the bedroom).

Add a Comment99 Comments

EmpowHER Guest

Wow I'm am 29 year old woman going through this, and man does it suck. I have a great guy but no sex, in return I'm a total bitch. NO SEX CAN make any one get ugly. My boyfriend of 6 years is 42 we have a child together. I don't want to leave him, or cheat on him. I'm tierd of masterbating, I've brought it up but he said if I want it to get on top of it. I It makes me feel like crap, is there successful relationships that people don't have sex in?..

November 2, 2014 - 7:41am
EmpowHER Guest

I feel the exact same I wish he could see how us not having sex enough has my self esteem in tatters. I feel unattractive, unloved, lonely. I just dont know what to do anymore. Except I feel a lot better knowing that im not alone. See when we 1st met He was the 1st guy That Isaid No too. and Im prob the 1st girl that he hasnt bone on the 1st day. Im usually used too the fact I dont live with a guy an all they want is sex when they call me. Anyways after a few months he still kept talking to me were to the point i moved in an he is the 1st guys tht I actually lived with since 18 im 20 now. Crazy huh? too me yea. But anyways he will or maybe im just parinoid but knowing him when he goes to other girls they usually well u KNOW an its mostly by the girls that will or has bone him the 1st day and yes he knew a lot of them before me. but he would also tell me its more than just sex. its bigger than that and most of the stuff written above. WE are Not Married No kids hes 24 im 20 and Yes ive an im the only girl that met his Whole fam and went to 2 of thier weddings and he invited me around the time we just started talking an i just moved in but still even tho i messed up a Lot an he still has me around and trys to get me not to leave. somtimes he does an i come back but most of the time he wont let me leave and any other girl he well i cant really talk on that because idk. But shuld i worry because he did also say an been saying it like it says above "I wanna earn u not just get you" (like deserve me and sex) i guess an all the other things that says above he tells me

July 31, 2014 - 4:44am
EmpowHER Guest

I wish he could see how us not having sex enough has my self esteem in tatters. I feel unattractive, unloved, lonely. I just dont know what to do anymore. We are in counselling and are just going to start to talk about intimacy which I think is going to be useful but very difficult.

I'm so sexually frustrated, I'm going out tonight with the girls and I hate it when people who don't know me come on to me. It makes me feel the way I should with my husband - attractice, desired and wanted. Don't get me wrong it doesn't make me feel loved as they don't know me at all. It's such a self esteem booster though and I find myself wanting to cheat on my husband coz I want to feel attractive and desired. Why do other people make me feel like this but my husband doesn't. Instead I just go home pissed and miserable and alone as usual. He won't ever be intitmate with me when I've got done up and gone out. It all makes me feel so undesired. I'm so miserable. We fight a lot about sex (the lack of it). He just tells me he's too tired etc. I just don't get why he wont try it on in the middle of the day if that's the issue. We don't have any hobbies and rarely do things together at weekends. He is just happy watching the telly. So there's at least a day a week he could approach me during the day when he's got more energy!! He doesn't get that if we went and did things together I could connect with him emotionally doing that and that sex might not be as big an issue. As it stands I only ever feel emotonally connected to him when we have intercourse this makes me crave intercourse. We have sex about 2-3 times a month and have been married less than three months. I'm seriously worried we'll get divorced. I can't put up with this lack of sex for the rest of my life. Maybe I shouldn't have married him and I did have doubts before the wedding but we did make a bit of progress in terms of the rest of our relationship. I guess I dared to hope that things would get better.

July 19, 2014 - 5:46am
(reply to Anonymous)

He is masturbating every time you leave the house and this is what satisfies him. It's all he needs. Believe me I know. So live with it forever or get out before any more times goes by.

May 9, 2016 - 8:21pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous (reply to Anonymous)

This is why I don't even bring up marriage to my hubby. I know I will eventually leave him because of this issue. Sucks because he is a good man. I woke up last night caught him masturbating to porn I think that pushed me over the edge. I actually set up a date with another guy but backed down at the last minute. The reason I did this he's a great guy, great dad. Also he has stress from his family owned business, also his dad is terminally ill. This has been going on for far too long 6 years or so. Not sure for how much longer I can do this..

December 6, 2014 - 5:51am
EmpowHER Guest

This has been an issue for me in my last two relationships. In the beginning, there were NO articles about this ANYWHERE, and even still, I have no definitive answer. One similarity was that they both had kids who they were not communicating with in any way, and I would tell them that I had a problem with that. I think it was just the kick in the gut of our relationship that was fatal to our sex life. I kept trying to fix that one thing and some other things. I know you should never try to "fix" anybody, but some people take a little longer to get to know. In one relationship, he appreciated my helping him work through his anger issues, but we still never had sex, and his not working through the anger issues and other things with both of us killed that one. I looked at it as "growing together", and yeah, it was fixing. It's dumb. I didn't know about their kids and the anger issues 'til after I already moved in with them. By then, leaving seemed more complicated than staying, and I was already invested in the relationship. I just wish I knew them better sooner, like before I moved in, at least.

May 29, 2011 - 9:22pm

I think that this was very helpful. The conclusion always seems to be jumped to that he is either cheating, the chick has become unnatractive, or he dosen't want her anymore when in actuality men are not made of anything different than women are. The only difference is that society teaches and expects a man to keep his feelings to himself where as a woman is taught and expected to be open with hers.

March 1, 2011 - 5:59pm
(reply to rokstarbaby)

Your comment was the perfect summary to my article; exactly the message I was trying to convey...thank you!

March 10, 2011 - 9:14am

it makes you realise that its not just women who go threw this and i think its really brave that a man can say this

January 6, 2011 - 2:42pm
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