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ask: Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By Miss_kitty
 
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

Add a Comment1312 Comments

EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm real confused my guy before would have sex with me and honestly I got upset cause I would want to just cuddle sometimes but now I am on birth control and he can have sex with me I want it and he don't I asked last night why we don't make out any more he said cause I don't want to idk I doubt he's cheating I trust him idk what's wrong though

June 12, 2014 - 6:11am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Oh my lord I feel u! I have been stuggeling too :( such a bad feelin.
I been telling myself it is normal, at the first when 2 dating, guys always make the approach ,cuz you are "fresh"and "want to b discovered" , then by the times goes, the cursity gone less n less , he know everything abt u,I kno it sounds sad! Well at least to me..cuz to me , I think for most girls sex goes with the heart... But the reality is that most guys(ppl r different I mean) gets tired or lazy with the girl been together for a while , they just bein too comfortable , and at the same time, it doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. ... Simple, guys go hard watching porn , even without the looking.sigh guess we just need to face the truth.. And live with it :( ! Okie, here is Wat I do when this got me emotional, I go to bathroom , hav couple cigarettes, while tearing . N i walked pretend nth happen, well he won't b even notice anything , cuz he always snoring ...:(

June 3, 2014 - 4:55am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

i have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we haven't had sex. At first i thought that he was just waiting to see if i was the right one but now i do not know what to think. i openly tell him that i want to but he always uses the excuse that he doesnt have a condom. when i ask him to get, he doesnt, when i tell him that i am going to get some, he says that thats a guy thing and i shouldnt. i love him and so i give him oral sex when ever we are together, he doesnt do me. he will play with me, and do other things and thats ok with him. im starting to get frustrated, because i love sex and i do not want to cheat on him. what should i do?

May 21, 2014 - 3:21pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

Thanks for your post! 

Unfortunately, I think that you boyfriend is lying to you. Who cares who buys condoms? It's not a guy thing, it's not anything - it's a simple purchase of birth control.

He's selfish to receive oral sex but not give and he has no interest at all in having intercourse with you. 

He may simply be not sexually interested in you but unable to tell you. But you need honesty and you need to get out of this relationship if it's clear nothing is progressing. There is also the possibility that he is gay, even if he looks, talks, acts straight. People can hide anything they want to. 

Don't cheat on him - that will do nothing to help. I think it's time to be honest with yourself and end the facade. You deserve more. 

Best,

Susan

May 23, 2014 - 11:03am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

it means he doesn't want you anymore. my fiancé does the same thing. he uses the line its you, not me saying. and being in debt. I was told to watch him and make sure hes not having an affair. I think he wants these goodlooking women. and the thing is im not ugly.

May 19, 2014 - 3:22pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

This might sound completely shallow at first, but it isn't:
Most probably, you're not physically attractive anymore. He loves you, so he doesn't leave you. But sex is a different thing. Sexual attraction is very, very physical. Maybe you've changed your appearance in a way he doesn't like (which includes growing fat)... or he sees your non-spruced-up at-home-look a little too often - that's something a lot of women seem to completely overlook.
So the other commenter's statement that "...there are so many guys who wants to have a relationship with me and people even strangers compliment me everyday. So that mean Is not me" is BS, really. Hardly anyone sees you the way your life partner does. Make sure he sees a hot version of yours most of the time (I could bet he doesn't at the moment). If he loves you, it's almost impossible for him to say "babe, you just don't look sexy most of the time" - but it's also hard to 'ignore' it.

Good luck.

May 19, 2014 - 2:58pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm getting tired of my boyfriend acting like this as well. When we started dating I told him I didn't want to have sex for a while until I was ready. After 7 month dating we had sex for the first time. We been together for 2 years now and he never initiate it I am the one who does it. Most of the time when I start flirting with him and touch him he gets an actitudes, like he doesn't want it. At first I thought I was the peoblem, I felt so untractive and unwanted it was frustrating me! But there are so many guys who wants to have a relationship with me and people even strangers compliment me everyday. So that mean Is not me. I am a very sexual person like if it was for me I'll do it everyday all the time. I don't know what to do, I don't know if I should break up with him or not cause I don't plan on marrying someone that's not so sexually active. I know sex is not important but damn.

May 5, 2014 - 8:39pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

To the guy with the "make him chase you" advice... Seriously? How is that an adult relationship? Guys who think this is the answer are asking to be abused, in a way. Regular good women are not manipulative like that and it's really not a healthy relationship pattern. A partnership is about unconditional love. If the guy can't get it up because it's too "available" or she's cozying up to him in sweat pants vs. stilettos - the GUY has a problem. If you're a gal who's looking for someone to grow old with, that kind of guy is going to make you feel bad about yourself always... just sayin.

March 4, 2014 - 12:17pm
Susan Cody HERWriter Guide (reply to Anonymous)

Hi Anon

 I understand what you are saying. The notion of me having to play games like not calling back for three days and pretending I have plans when I don't is similar to that awful book The Rules. I do agree that flirting and having fun should always happen in a relationship and keeping healthy and in shape can never be a bad idea but so many of the "tips" we see in magazines and talk shows are just plain tiresome. Bottom line is that if you love yourself, have confidence and a lot to offer someone, as well as good chemistry with them, they'll seek you out, and stay. 

Best,

Susan

March 4, 2014 - 12:55pm
dollian06

I am in the exact same place! we have been togather 2 yrs and will be getting married in april. At the beginning of our relationship i always had to initiate sex between us. I always thought that maybe he was shy or something. But i asked him and he told me the relationship right before me and him he was very sexually active. I have a very high sex drive and i often feel like im nagging him to make love to me. Today he told me (after i jokingly asked) that he masturbates about 1 or 2 times a day. I DONT have a problem with masturbation but it is a problem when u openly tell me you mastubate but you always push me away when i try to be intimate. He could be fully aroused .. and when i try to initiate sex he will turn me down and tell me not right now or hell tell me his not in the mood.. but he will be perfectly erect...when i asked him about it he said hes just lazy. It kinda makes me feel bad.. alot because i dont know what i can do i dont want to nag him

January 12, 2014 - 8:45pm
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