ask: Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?
We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Add a Comment1236 Comments
Miss Kitty,
First of all, I'm so glad you found EmpowHer. Thanks for your question.
If I could talk to your boyfriend, some of the first things I'd ask about are whether he's changed anything in the last few months.
-- Any specific changes in diet and/or nutrition?
-- Any changes (less or more) in the amount of exercise he's getting?
-- Any new medications he's taking, or vitamins or supplements?
-- Anything happening at work or school that is worrying him? I know you said that you don't think there's anything specific on his mind, but if this is a really busy time for him -- and if he's both working and attending school -- it might be a factor.
The hormone testosterone has everything to do with a man's sex drive, just like our hormones have so much to do with our own sex drive. Hormones fluctuate in both men and woman. And while it's normal to have much more sex at the beginning of a relationship than later, it does seem like a fairly drastic change in the last few months.
Has anything changed in the dynamic of your relationship? Meaning, is one of you more serious about the relationship than the other? Or someone's living arrangement has changed? Or someone's schedule has changed? Is he still sleeping well at night?
So often, what we think is medical or psychological has an actual base in our diet, our nutrition, our sleep, our work, our play, and our level of exercise. The first thing I'd ask is if any of those changed significantly recently.
Here's a question I hate to ask, but I will: Are you very sure that he still feels the same way about the relationship that he used to?
And about how old is he?
Please see if you can get back to us with some answers to these questions and we'll see if we can find anything that might help.
May 19, 2009 - 10:07amThis Comment
Hi i have the same problem and its hurting me really bad he doesn't want to have sex with me its been 2 months and before we used to have sex all the time and know hes stressed and he tells me that its not me and that he needs time i don't know if hes cheating but in my mind he did do something and hes not telling me i really need help what should i do i love him but he tells me that he dont want to
June 11, 2009 - 6:42pmI can tell you that he did cheat on you and he's having better sex with the other person...that's why doesnt want to have sex with you anymore...sorry to say so, but i'm experiencing this now & dont know how to get myself out of the situation and I'm a female!
July 30, 2009 - 2:37pmYou don't know he cheated. Perhaps the stress has just resulted in a decreased sexual desire. Try to spice it up and seduce him.
August 12, 2009 - 2:01amok as a guy I can honestly say that its more likely that he did cheat and now feels guilty or hes gettn (edited for language) girlfriend.........a guy is a guy we do not get stressed out enough to not have sex and keep it a secret from our partners. And its not anyones fault its jusst how guys are we get bored of(edited for language) the same grl especially if we have more experience then her so if you wanna keep him wanting to (edited for language) out of him you cant say oooo lets make love no guy wants to make love but they just want to (edited for language)
April 15, 2010 - 5:38pmHey I'm a chic an I had this problem with the last (edited for language)I was with, this guy here has it in the bag. He's right my man was doing shit behind my back An i {edited for offensive language} He felt obilgated to (edited for language)me. Which was me beggin for it until I got it once a week.(edited for language) that! I' 28 an I look good. I'ma go get mine. He's out picture now and (edited for language)around wit some 18 yr old broad. Good Luck with that {edited for language}.
May 13, 2010 - 7:54pmWell maybe the 18 year old looks alot better then you and he was With her when you were begging for it.... And if your name is Denise then it's even worse!
June 12, 2011 - 10:02pmyou're an awful person.
December 15, 2011 - 3:25amHey! I'm 18 and my bf's ex is your age! haha if your name is nicole then you definitly know who this is! btw we were not [edited for language] when you two were going out....but he did dump you for me! and the next commenter is right... I am 18 and I am alot better looking than you! haha sorry girly! and hes not [edited for language] around with me.... he loves me, takes me out to dinner alot and buys me many things and spends all of his time with me, he loves me! and we have a really good time together, he said I was his best friend.... goodluck with your future relationships, there is some man who will appreciate you! :P
July 29, 2011 - 5:07pmHello 18 yr old, you certainly act like one! your boy (not man) will dump you, you bf will go for someone else, someone is always coming along - and hey I can assure you there will always be someone better looking than you, or haven't you thought of that? its funny how you think your better looking, that is a very trashy comment, probably like yourself - trashy. karma is just around the corner for someone like you that likes to flap their trap about themselves trying to make someone else feel bad about themself! and guess what? your going to be 28, 40, 50 before you know it.....and I hope your aging is kind to you!! hahaha i am glad you mention that he loves you, because there wouldn't be many that would with a low attitude like this. not many would find you an attractive person on the inside, grow up & stop discracing women like you have. geez i hope your bf can keep buying you things, material things - this seems to be what makes you happy - your happy splashing how your relationship is no matter who it may be hurting - maybe you will have that done to you one day....who knows. Good luck with your 'fantastic' loving relationship! You have a lot to learn girlie!!!
August 9, 2011 - 8:31pm