We have been married 25 years. The 1st 15 years he was addicted to drugs so I didn't notice the ocpd. The five years after that I was so greatful for the sobriety that the problems seemed small compared to the drug abuse problems. This last five years I have noticed patterns. This last year it is VERY clear we are dealing with OCPD. I feel like I am living in a minefield almost afraid to take a step. This last explosion I made it clear to him I can not take anymore bomb throwing. I also shared with him my belief that he is OCPD. He hasn't researched it but he tended to agree with me. (He knows he has perfectionism tendensies). He says he will do his best to quit bomb throwing. I am wore out - confused - want to help him - want to help me - not sure how to progress - sometimes feel like those bombs put too many holes in me... I beleive in God (Jesus) and the power of prayer. Looking for help - answers - suggestions ........
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OMG! I cannot believe it took me this long to figure out what the $#$@ is wrong with my spouse. My life is in these comments. If I start it will be a novel so I won't. I don't care when you find this message if your living a hell on earth then let's work together to get out of it. I am completely alone. Text me anytime 276-274-8316. Yes it's my real number let's help each other.
March 16, 2018 - 9:21pmThis Comment
I was married to my husband for 4 years. He is a sweet person, very brilliant but he is a controller. We were living in a sexless marriage since 3 years ago. He never wanted had kids. He told me we are old to have kids. He is 41 and i am 43. He suffers of anxiety. He has OCD also. Everything has to be in his way. I always have to eat what is "older" in the fridge. He is extremly care with money. He can't have fun. He told me, when you think in me , think in work. I can't work with him because he always says "What are you doing?" in an unhappy tone. He depends most of the time from parents. Parents have to tell him the last word to do something. I told him, he should go to get a diagnostic but he never went. I filled the divorce. I have regrets of doing this because i love him and i think i should be with him to take care of him.
October 17, 2016 - 8:44pmThis Comment
Being married to someone with OCPD is embearable and I know because I'm married to a man who was diagnosed a couple years ago. He also went through a major depression due to the lack of treatment. When he completely feels out of control "disrespected" he looses it. Recently I've been falsely accused of having an affair, been told the only value I bring is that I do his laundry, that he doesn't want our daughter to grow up anything like me, my mother caused my deceased father to drink himself to death because of her meaness and the list goes on. We've been through 4 counsellors who basically told him to stop criticizing me, stop beating me over the head with a 2X4 mentally, he was so depressed that although the doctor wasn't a fan of medication told him it would give him a leg up, and the best advice was that he has an extreme case of OCPD and to get some help. He doesn't allow people to have opinions and a point of view, he hordes food, useless/worn out items and is the most judgmental person I know. It's good for a week or two but the second I have an opinion or doing something that he is not involved in I'm the worst person in the world. It's all good or all bad all of the time which makes me second guess myself of leaving. We have 2 amazing kids that i feel are being robbed of me. I plan on meeting my divorce lawyer to get additional advice. He knows I want out but holds money over my head and continues to multiplate and sell me on this so called life. He cooks, is successful, really funny, great dad, amazing son and in the eyes of others... a perfect husband. It's all about perception and with many fake vacations posed as lavish gifts... It's all fake. Brilliant but fake. Not one executed! All cancelled because of a simple argument but at least he can tell his friends and family that he gave me a trip to New York or a romantic hot air balloon ride or a get a way to Cancun. I'm blessed that I have A good resume and starting to build my business I'm in now (gave up the corporate job so he could fully pursue his) but there's no money in this world that will change this marriage. I've tried and have lost all hope. Too much hurt and rather than continue being bitter and mad I'm feeling optimistic about what the future brings. I pray that the way Ive been feeling stays consistent and I'm strong enough to make a change. I pray for all who have to deal with this disease. It's so hard but please remember ITS NOT YOU and if you fix the issue at hand He WILL FIND ANOTHER!
April 7, 2015 - 7:56pmThis Comment
You sound like my twin... hope all worked out for you. I'm a few steps behind you still. I gave up my career for his, too, and am now trying to regain that before I leave with my kids. Some days when he berates me for having an opinion or disagreeing, I just close my eyes and think that someday I'll have a happy, peaceful home with a husband that I'm not afraid of. I'll tell my kind husband stories of how it used to be - how long the silent treatments lasted, the cruel way that he would smile and glare into my eyes when he was saying words that he knew would cut to the bone, the names he would call me for not remembering to buy his favorite soup crackers or for waking him up the first night I had gallstones and needed to go to the ER for surgery, or how he got mad at me a couple days after that surgery and said he wouldn't stay home to let my surgery wounds heal for the 7 days I wasn't supposed to lift anything and left me alone with a 1 year old and 1 month old and I got a hernia in the surgical scar from lifting my kids up and down the stairs and ended up back in the hospital the next day. I was valedictorian of my engineering class in college, born from a mother who believed in feminism and would never let a man talk to her this way. How did I end up here?
September 13, 2016 - 11:58amThis Comment
Wow! This story gave me chills! It's so real to me. I've been married for 16 years to a man with OCPD. During one marriage counselor session, after about our 8th visit the therapist handed us a piece of paper with about 10 characteristics of OCPD and he had 9 of them. It has been hell on our family! He has gotten so bad (and depressed), that he doesn't work. 10 years ago, we decided he would stop work and work on remodeling our 130 yr old home. You know what i'm going to say next..... his obsessive perfectionist ways have drawn this into a series of 1/2 finished projects and 6 weeks morphs into months, and i to years. He had to custom build wooden cabinets since no manufacturer can make them correctly. He refused to put doors on them because people "myself and the kids" intentionally leave them open "just to piss him off". He will fly into a rage because dishes were left out, but yet he doesn't want anyone to do the dishes because they aren't done correctly. He lectures me as if I am his child. When he gets mad, he says the most hateful, vicious things I have ever heard. He uses my deepest, darkest fears and throws them at me to make me hurt. He does this with a calm, smirklike expression. When our daughter was 2 days old, we came home from the hospital and I was up all night nursing her. Finally, she fell asleep in the swing for a couple hours. He came stomping down the stairs the next am and checked the swing pad, it was wet, he woke her up when he started yelling and screaming at me for allowing the swing to be soiled and would cause more laundry for him. Everytime we go on a trip, he turns into an angry nightmare, yelling at everyone. He also has the inability to express intimacy. He can't talk about his feelings, ever! He gets angry at me when I discuss anything "deep" like politics or sensitive topics. He tells me that I have no friends, that people don't like me. Anytime we argue, he perpetually spins the conversation off topic to avoid being wrong. He self-medicates with alcohol and marijuana. He won't stop no matter what I, his friends or children say. Our kids are embarrassed of him and don't want to bring their friends around. My youngest daughter guages his sobriety prior to being in the room with him. Between drinking and incessant teasing that he does, life for me is hell. He teases me every night before bedtime - relentlessly. I politely ask him to stop and he refuses. He must control the remote control for the tv at all times. He ensures that the programming is so.complex that no one else can use it. He has no respect for anyone else. Then there's the never ending changing of rules, ordering, expectations and frugality. Just when I think that I have figured out how to avoid landmines, the rules change and new landmines are planted. He is also very careful about keeping his chastising, name calling insults away from others. That way he can deny it, or conveniently forget it. Recently he blew a gasket at a party over a minuscule thing that I said in which he took wrong. He left the party and stranded me and some others. He wouldn't answer the phone and he locked us out. He texted me some hateful things & asked me to file for divorce. My family saw it all happen and were horrified! I finally asked him to leave and he did. He planned to go to his mothers in another state and figure out what he's going to do. Now he's asking me to take him back!?!? Seriously? I doubt that he can change. This is a horrible disease!
October 23, 2016 - 7:04pmThis Comment
Your life sounds like mine, I had a nervous breakdown. Now it's worse. I can't work and he has to spend his money on me. His budget. I am so confused. My husband has the world fooled. He says I am abusive to him omg. Now it's my depression. His children no longer speak to me. I asked him about it. Thinking if I have done something, I can repair it. Keep the family blended. In short. He can't recall why he said they are nervous around me. He is sorry am still hurt by this, sorry he said it. And I need to get past this for his family. His family!?? Omg . I thought we had 5 kids blended. I stopped contact with " the boys" because I felt such shame, and fear I had hurt them. Now my husband has said it was in an argument. It wasn't. I am so confused. One time I was sharing my feelings...he replied why are you trying to change my mind?. 7 years of marriage and I hear this. Or now it's why are you trying to convince me? I guess I am trying to express feelings so he understands. If I say you are being such an ahole. I am abusive. Pray for me.
May 26, 2016 - 10:02pmThis Comment
Wow! I've been married almost 10 years. 2 young daughters. 4 and 17 months. Stay at home mom. No college education. My husband has recently started seeing a counselor, after much convincing. His counselor believes he has ocpd. He hadn't been diagnosed technically, but I relate to a lot of what you said. I'm not sure how much verbal abuse, blow ups, getting mad at small stuff and the horrible vacations I can take. I feel stuck. Everyone thinks we have a great marriage. He makes great money, great dad, but I feel like I have 3 kids, not 2!
December 31, 2015 - 9:01pmThis Comment
My husband ,the day before thanksgiving kicked me out of my home. I didn't realize the emotional abuse and sometimes physical abuse I was receiving until I was finally out of that poisonous environment. He was diagnosed with OCPD this past summer and now that I've been reading up on these blogs it's very clear that our whole marriage has been him expecting to live up to a standard that he fell well below and exploding at me then groveling only to later blame me. It was emotional warfare that my children often were innocent t bystanders who had to deal with the fallout. I'm trying to recover from the abuse and getting my children the help they need, but I will Never subject my children to that environment Again. I don't care that it's a disorder no one deserves to be treated the way I was treated wether their spouse has a disorder or not.
December 26, 2015 - 9:08pmThis Comment
I have been reading other blogs where people are trying to "survive" living with an ocpder. This may be a personal choice as a grown adult, but if it is possible to NOT have the children in that environment, TAKE IT! I waited 30 years too long. Having a disorder does NOT excuse unacceptable behavior. You can love and support a person from a distance. Every person has a right to be in a safe, healthy environment.
April 26, 2016 - 5:40pmThis Comment
The question is how long are you going to put up with this? You know that eventually you're going to leave. It's a matter of when. You only have one life - you can choose to leave this insanity tomorrow or you can choose to wait until you are 80 years old. It's your decision. Rob
April 7, 2015 - 8:02pmThis Comment