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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?
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Hi There
I know this topic is old but for those still coming accross it I would like to give you a mans perspective, below is an excerpt from a letter I wrote my fiance' to make her understand the situation better.
Hope this helps in shedding some light
" Me not being intimate with you is a combination of factors:
1. I have to like you to be intimate with you, when we fight, i don't like you, it takes us a week to recover from one of our fights, we fight -2 days, we say nohting to each other -1 day, we apologize -1 day, we warm up to each other -2days, by then six days have gone by and a whole bunch of other factors come into play
2. tiredness - I started a new job this year and I'm not past my 3 month probation period at work yet so i don't know if i'll have a job next month, I've been working really hard to ensure they employ me full time so i'm tired in the evenings when we get home
Plus i'm trying everything I can to make more money with this internet marketing thing so that we can be finacially secure when baba arrives so that takes it out of me as well.
3. Stress - I'm going to be a first time father in less than four months from now, I don't know what to expect and it freaks me out.
4. I havent had any form of exercise for almost 5 months, when we used to play paintball we where having sex more often, hence you falling pregnant, and exercise is key in upping the sex drive.
5. The Zyban i was taking to try to stop smoking is also known to mess with your hormones and decrease your sex drive, I'm off it now but it will take a while for my body to restore its hormonal balance.
I love you very much and think you are absolutely gorgeous, beautifull and extremely sexy, even more so now that you are pregnant, you are more beautiful to me every day, I want to marry you and spend the rest of our lives together but please understand that I have a lot happening in my life right now."
Well that was the letter I sent her, I;m sure if you sit down with him without your frustration getting the better of you and actually listengin to him you guys can work it out.
All the best
- Dwain
March 17, 2011 - 12:01amhttp://www.todaylearnhowto.com/blogs/have-great-relationships
This Comment
I have a similar problem, my boyfriend rarely wants to have sex.. he says he cant be bothered and its shit cos he finishes too fast, yet hes all up for blow-jobs, as long as he doesn't have to put any effort in hes fine. He says its nothing personal but I just feel so unwanted. I am only 19, like wtf imagine when we are 30 or even 50 I'd still like it then. I cant even remember the last time we had sex where I hadn't initiated it. what the hell am I supposed to think? what can I do to make him actually want me?
March 16, 2011 - 10:51amThis Comment
When the time is right (not while an argument is happening ) ask him what the issue is.. If he can't answer then you have your answer.
You could try to get him to do some work before you do. Have him perform oral on you, then switch the tempo with oral for him.
Relationships are all about give and take. If your partner is taking all the time then you are giving too much!
March 17, 2011 - 6:29amThis Comment
For millions and millions of years men have had multiple partners. We are bred to breed and pass on our seed. Yes, I know people are going to read this and be like.. "what an ass@#$#!".. However, whether we want to believe this or not doesn't change the fact that it is true. Marriage/relationships was originally created out of need. Two families would bond in order to climb the social ranking, to fulfill religious beliefs or to comfort an emotional issue. Yes there are people that seem to be completely happy in a marriage or relationship and I truly believe that is amazing. Moreover, if this was the norm this post probably wouldn't exist.
March 15, 2011 - 7:43amSo, why do men get bored..? it is the same reason that tanagers get really bored.. Energy or animal urges that are not being met [nothing you can do to fix this]. In the animal kingdom you will notice males having sex with females that are in heat multiple times a day for days. Then he will leave to find another or to rest.. Hmmm, kind of sounds familiar does it not. I know.. some people are going to say that wolves or penguins mate for life. Yes, they might partner for life but they are NOT strictly faithful.
Why do you think brothels, call girls, porn sites and whatever else in the sex trait are so lucrative. We are animals and have needs.
Even women have these needs, although, because I am not a woman I will not comment.
So, it is most likely a psychological animal urge that you cannot change in your man. He probably loves you and wants to be with you always, however, he like most men will desire more then one women. Not out of ego, but out of an inner unreasoning need. You can satisfy his need at the beginning, but as time progresses it becomes unnatural for the male to stay and continue with one partner.
This Comment
Yes, we are all animals...but we are animals with the power to change who we are and what we will be. We all have animal instincts but it is the fact that we fight these urges that makes us human. Animals kill over females in heat...and we fight this urge. Animals kill over territory...we fight this urge (can't speak for the government). Animals live to the laws that are written for them by mother nature, and we do not. We have always been the outside of the norm for the animal kingdom. We push past mother natures laws and create our own. And if a man truly loves a woman, he has the power in himself to push past his animal instincts to be faithful to the woman he loves. If he refuses to use this power, than his love is fake.
March 15, 2011 - 9:46amThis Comment
I agree with some of your thoughts. I do believe that a man has the ability to be with one woman while not being completely feral [kill others]. I also liked your comment about the government, that seems to be very true ;)
I wasn't trying to say that men are too animal like to be faithful. I was just making the point that our psychological self might not do well in a monogamous relationship. Just because someone is unfaithful doesn't mean that they don't truly love their girlfriend/boyfriend. I am all about one person at a time for relationships. I am just saying that someone who started off being sexually active with their partner. I believe the woman said it was multiple times a day to never could mean their animal self is no longer into it. They could still love the person, but they do not want to be sexual with that person.
A relationship doesn't have to be perfect. I am very aware that relationships take work. I am just trying to bring light or freedom to an individual who is being hurt by her boyfriend/lovers lack of action. If anyone is in a relationship where the sex has dried up, I truly believe that their relationship is doomed. Unless both people can except that fact and continue to be healthy and loving towards one another.
If one person is wanting more physicality and the other is not, then the relationships balance is off. No one should have to change for their partner, they should change because they truly desire to. Otherwise it can lead to resentment, anger and ultimately unhappiness.
So to the women who originally posted this story. Hopefully your situation has worked itself out for the best (2009). I wish I could have seen this when you first posted it. If your man is no longer into sex after starting off so frequently then my advise would be to move on. If it is really important to you to have that intimacy then you will need to find it somewhere else. If you can except the fact that you are not going to have sex often then stay and be happy. If you need more intimacy then don't torture yourself and him, it will only lead to more problems.
For guys who are in relationships where they are not fulfilling their lovers needs.. Communicate and talk about what each of your needs are and if you truly want to, find a solution to the issue. If you can't do that then do what is right and set that person free!
March 17, 2011 - 6:16amThis Comment
Hey, Try this food with aphrodisiac attributes. Mussels are a great way to spice up the mood. Check out a marketing commercial for Mussels and qualities at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6UtVrmkXt0&feature=player_embedded I have to warn you though it gets a little "steamy" haha. Thanks.
March 15, 2011 - 5:41amThis Comment
me n my boyfren have been in serious relationship for like 1 year n we dont have sex at all in this 1 year relation we only had sex once and anytime i ask him y he says he is stressed n dont get aroused . i love him so much that i cant leave him but i m scared that is he gay or smthing???
March 12, 2011 - 6:44pmThis Comment
I can understand why you are worried about this, I would be upset as well. The only thing you can do is love and support him. If everything else in your relationship is fine, I would just be there for him. And if he does turn out to be gay, just love him and be there for him because you're probably the closest person to him in his entire life.
March 13, 2011 - 1:22pmThis Comment
And one more thing...if sex is an issue either too much or not enough and you both love eachother first try all options available from counseling to medication to kinky stuff to whatever. If all fails and you are still unhappy(and yes sex is an important part of an intimate relationship) then you have to make that choice to deal with it and keep feeling how you do or move on and try to find happiness. But you both HAVE to try.
March 11, 2011 - 8:11amThis Comment