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Why Doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me anymore?

By May 19, 2009 - 9:46am
 
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We've been dating for over a yer now but in the last few months our sex has drastically decreased at first started to go down from at least 1-2 times a day for at least 5 months and then it went down to 1-2 times a week and then to 1-2 times a month and now it's been a month and a half since we've had sex. I've read a few articles about this allready, but none seem to fit my problem exactly. I was worried for a while that it might be me that was the problem and but he told me it wasn't and i know he wouldn't lie to me. I've asked him about it but he says theres nothing wrong. I just don't know what to do anymore. He's only a year older than me and he's suppose to be in hes prime. Is there anything I can do? I Haven't pressured him or anything because I dont want him to do it just to shut me up. I want him to want to. and I'm just not satistied anymore and im not asking for everyday, at this point once or twice a week would be nice. A far as I know there's nothing he's stressed about at work or school, could it be a cobination of the 2? or something else going on that I don't know about? and please keep in mind that im am searching for help and advice and I don't want to hear find a new boyfriend. I love him and im not leaving him, even if it means were not going to have sex anymore. But it's frustration for the time being as I find it a tad odd that I want it more than he does. and I don't really want to talk to any of my friends abotu it because I live in a small town and this is personal and I don't need everyone talking about it. and the last thing I want him to feel is embarassed. I havn't told anyone of my friends but I'm in need of some advice. Any Ideas?

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EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Did you gain a lot of weight? Have you stopped putting effort into sex (i.e. making advances, being flirty, initiating sex, dressing sexy, etc.)? My wife has done all of the above and, even though I love her more than ever, my desire to have sex with her has waned. It sounds terrible, I know, but I, like most men, am very visual and frankly I have no desire to have sex with her lately. I feel like she's just given up after 10 years of marriage. She's not trying to turn me on so why should I bother anymore? I have no desire to cheat whatsoever, but there's an awful lot of free porn online these days. Maybe your boyfriend is experiencing the same situation.

February 16, 2011 - 4:40pm
(reply to Anonymous)

Ew what a pig. You don't have sex with your wife because of your selfish reasons (visual or whatever), you are supposed to have sex as an expression of love. If you really loved her, you would want to make love to her, no matter what she looks like. What I laugh most about is guys like you are the ones that have the beer bellies and the gross hair on their backs and the tiny penises and you complain about a woman gaining a little bit of weight. LMAO.

February 19, 2011 - 11:08pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

just ask him straight up....why do we not have sex any more? u say its not me and if its not u then what is it?

February 16, 2011 - 9:17am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

Is everyone noticing a trend here? You hear the same story from all these ladies, all different ages, sizes etc. I think it all boils down to the excitement of the chase is over and he is bored. Women are emotional creatures and can stay in relationships through hardships (whatever they may be) but a man is a physical creature and always need the stimulation (visual) of something new and exciting. It's like a kid with a new toy, eventually they get tired of it and want something new, even though they may want to hold on to the old toy. Girls, if you have to beg for it, go somewhere else and get what you need. You can bet if the situation were reversed, he would, then he would blame you for making him go elsewhere.

February 14, 2011 - 3:10pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

From a man's perspective I can tell you he's probably on his way out of the relationship. But why don't you jus ASK HIM why he's not doing you anymore? See what he says. If you know him well enough you should be able to tell if he's lying and just making up an excuse.

Jeff
[website link removed by EmpowHER moderator]

February 13, 2011 - 9:29am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I have this same problem except maybe not as bad as some on here, but it still is really really bothering me nontheless. I am 23 yrs old and my bf will be 30 in 3 weeks. We do not live together and we met each other both as single parents. We have been dating for 2 yrs and 4 months. I have a 3 yr old daughter and he has a 5 yr old son. We used to do it every weekend cause thats when we see each other. Now it seems like a monthly or bi-monthly occurance. It has been this way for several months. Last week he told me that we were going to "have wild crazy sex," but come saturday I came over....we watched rented movies...then he fell asleep...I'd been there for just 3 hrs. He spent the night sleeping on the couch. He is a wonderful guy and I love him so much, but it really bothers me wondering what happened to him wanting to have sex with me. I dont want to talk to anyone about it because it makes me sound like some sex crazed freak, or like a bitch. Reasons why he dosen't feel that crazy about wanting me anymore run through my mind all the time though like: do I look different than I used to, am I boring, does he feel like he is stuck with me... He still says he loves me really often and cuddles with me, but I don't know what happpened to the sex. I know he does'nt get alot of sleep most nights and maybe thats it, but that never stopped him before. I could continue to blab, but yeh....I am frustrated.

February 10, 2011 - 9:37pm
(reply to Anonymous)

This is anonymous again(have this same problem except maybe not as bad as some on here, but it still is really really bothering me nontheless. I am 23 yrs old and my bf will be 30 in 3 weeks. We do not live together and we met each other both as single parents. We have been dating for 2 yrs and 4 months. I have a 3 yr old daughter and he has a 5 yr old son.)

Wow, the male responses on here are mostly horrible. Just because sex starts to happen less often in a relationship does not mean that the other one wants to leave you or that you have grown really unattractive...lol. Jeese. Have I gotten fat or started acting not sexy? No, I am 125 lbs,5'8, and have DD boobs.....and I have never stopped the dressing up/dressing nice when I go to see him bit.

Anyway, as for talking to him about it-I did this weekend and this is what he said "I love you to death and I'm sorry things haven't been what they were lately. I'm pretty well shot by the weekend with all this stupid overtime. The fact that I only get to see you one day a week don't help either. I really want to come home to you every night. If you're not happy with the way things are and that would help you can move in right now if you want. I want you here I love YOU." Then also "You're hot as hell!!! And you don't complain bout me huntin all the time!! I've never met a girl that compares to you."

He has been working overtime 12 hr shifts on 2nd shift as a welder. Also like I said we are both single parents, so the two little ones restrict time for those activities as well. Additionally we do not live together, but the plan has been that I will move in in a couple of months after I have graduated from college(this has been the plan for awhile). Bringing it up and talking about it has made me feel much more reassured. Hopefully, when we begin living together things will change in that area.

March 1, 2011 - 4:56pm

Hi my name is Aztek nd being a 28 yo male and a player I could tell you. The only reason I've never done a girl was because she didn't make me want it enough. Whatever u do u gotta make urself attractive and sexy 2him and nomatter how tired or stressed out he mayb if u kno how 2make him hot then it won't matter. Don't b so supportive if u R going 2do something do it 4urself nd not 4him, nd make sure he knowz it. Let'm think that he could loose u. love urself, worry about urself, nd do whatever u gotta do 2make urself happy cause when u kno how 2love urself it showz. And otherz want that same type of love that u show 4urself. Make urself happy and make anybody else earn that love don't just hand it over.

February 10, 2011 - 12:43am
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

i have the same problem with my boyfriend... we have been dating for almost 2 years..i dont know what happened but it just slowly disappeared to once once or twice a week and when we do i feel awful for asking because i feel like he does it to shut me up and i dont want that.. i want him to want to. ive tried different things to change about myself and i wonder every single day if i have done something wrong or what have done to make this happen.. and ive talked to him about it for about four months now and he still hasnt even made an effort.. im not going to leave him for this reason but i need to know why it has changed and if there is anything what can i do to fix it. I know hes not cheating on me, he is always with me. he says hes stressed because he needs to get his life together.. waiting for him to change to the way he used to is just killing me though.. if your boyfriend changed or what happened with everything please comment on this.. we have the exact same situation with a small town and not wanting to leave him and id really appreciate it if you could let me know if theres anything i can do

February 7, 2011 - 9:16pm
EmpowHER Guest
Anonymous

I'm a guy and I am in the same situation, should I assume my girlfriend is cheating on me because she only wants sex once or twice a month? In my experience it is normal for women to cheat on their boyfriends, not just from personal experience but through my guy friends as well(I don't have male friends who fit the typical "all guys cheat" trait, maybe I am an alien).

Anyways, only thing I can assume is it comes down to self-esteem issues, I know a lot of guys can be very sensitive to their girlfriends during sex, "Does it feel good for her? Is she enjoying it?", these thoughts can discourage guys from having sex as often as in the beginning. Guys won't always believe the girls when they say they enjoy the sex, especially when with a partner who tends to be quieter then the average person during sex.

Another thing that can discourage guys from having sex on a consistent basis with their partners is when there is a lack of experimentation, and I don't mean super kinky stuff, just trying new positions or lighter things, the reason being if the sex is as enjoyable as the partner says why is nothing new being tried because isn't that a part of the enjoyment between two people?

Anyways, it is not always the case that the guy doesn't find his partner attractive anymore, is cheating on them, or the guy himself has low self-esteem. Guy's can be discouraged from having sex with their partners when they feel they aren't getting a positive enough response, they will feel like they are not good enough and so abstain from sex thinking that is what their partner wants.

It doesn't hurt to get on top, be a bit more aggressive, take what you want when you really want it, try new positions, dress up, or be a little more vocal, it WILL encourage your man, guaranteed.

February 5, 2011 - 2:44pm
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