Living with and possibly leaving a sick spouse - a heartfelt story from a reader looking for advice

I am going through a rough time now to similar to many others on here. I am married 31 years today, I am 52 and my husband is 55. He is a diabetic and has been for years. He was also diagnosed with copd 7-8 years ago. He was and still is a heavy smoker and over weight. I am a social smoker (which isn't good either) and too am over weight. In 2011 he had an accident at work and tore his rotor cuff very badly had surgery and was going to be limited and in therapy for about 9 months. He went back to work after a couple weeks doing light duty in the office(he was a semi truck driver). About 2 months into light duty he had a pulmonary embolism, which damn near killed him. Needless to say he is no longer able to work based mainly on the copd. He is not on oxygen yet. He has severe neuropathy in his feet and I believe it is starting up his legs. He doesn't do a whole lot. He moans and groans all the time and complains about his pain. Now about 4 weeks ago somehow he hurt his back and has a pinched nerve and is in physical therapy. I feel like it never ends. He is getting disabilty and I work full time but its not enough. He doesn't talk about finances too much, well he doesn't talk too much unless it's about his ailments. We have 2 children, my son is 25 and is out of the home, but my daughter is almost 19 and I think she is pretty much done with her dad. They don't even speak and I blame him. He is either glued to the tv or playing texas holdem on his cell phone. He does help with my mom. She is 85 and we recently took her car from her so he takes her to dr. appts. and gets her groceries every week but other than that he doesn't do much. We have never had a great marriage and several times over the years during a fight I would say I want a divorce but he never took me seriously. I want one now very badly but neither of us can afford to live on our own. I haven't even told me but I am sure he knows I am not happy. I recently moved out of our bedroom but used his back issue as the excuse. We haven't had intercourse in so many years I can't even remember. I remember him telling me once that I was too fat to make it work. He is 6'1" and I have 5'1" and I would have to say back then we were equally over weight. That hurt! He has hurt me many times with words always referring to my weight. Yet know he has gained so much weight he can't even put his own socks on anymore and I have actually lost a few pounds (just a few really like 10) better than gaining! I have no one to talk to about this. My best friend is almost a functioning alcoholic and my only sister has health issues herself. It doesn't help us having best friends that like to drink alot. We too enjoy drinking but only once a week if that and we both know that's too much for us. But by the end of the week I am ready to get lost in a few drinks. Sad to say because I do love him I just don't like him a whole lot and am not in love with him but I feel like he won't be around for too many more years. I am sorry for going on and on but I am hoping this will help me to be patient.

Dump the bastard. So what if it destroyes him. You will soon be free to find somthing else. And if the law comes looking for you for criminal abandonment, lie and tell them he hit you. Then divorce him and take away his dissability money. Buy yourself something gold. Hit the bars. Let him rot. Its all about you.

Lady,

I hope you are alone, abandon, and scared some day soon so you will know what a bad person you are for leaving your sick husband. You deserve to suffer the same faite you are leaving him in. What, the rules don't apply to you? You can destroy him when he needs you most and not pay for your dispicable act ?

I guess you can justify abandoning your sick spouse. The hard fact is they are better off without a cruel spouse that only wants the "for better" part.

I have endured 15 yrs of verbal and emotional abuse from my husband -- he has driven away my daughters (from previous marriage --they are adults now) with his cruel words. He's had numerous health issues (pneumonia, blood clots, heart irregularities). He had a stroke 5 yrs ago and I reached the end of my tolerance for the pain of life with him. He is the total victim -- it's always about him, his ailments, money woes -- since he had the stroke he went on disability and can't work. I pay all the bills -- mortgage, daycare for our 10- year-old son, buy food and cook it after 9-10 hrs at work. There were days I was so physically and emotionally exhausted after working all day, and the minute I'd walk into the house he'd ask what I was going to cook for dinner. He never talks to me about anything except himself and his problems. Never asked how I am doing or seems to care. He hides his disability $ from me and expects me to pay his way. I just found out he has saved $2000 so he can buy a car for himself-- this while I was rolling pennies so I could get gas to go to work. He rages at me if I don't give him $, threatens to divorce me and take son away, then cries and seems totally unstrung. It is horrible.
I feel sorry for him yet recognize the red flag of codependency at the same time. He lives separate from me in quarters above garage with a separate entrance. I do not let him enter the house where I reside with my son, although I know he comes in when I am at work.
I KNOW that his me-me-me attitude will eventually kill me -- definitely spiritually and quite possibly physically, so removing myself and son from his toxicity is the only answer. It is easier if I don't have to interact with him.